Got No Tears Left to Cry For Elon

Just kidding, I’ve never had ANY tears to cry for Elon Musk.

Elon Musk, union-buster, Grimes’ boyfriend, person who heartlessly called one of the divers who rescued the boys in the Thai cave a pedophile, gave a reportedly emotional interview to the New York Times last night, where he talked about incorrectly tweeting that he had funding secured for taking Tesla private, and other various fuck-ups. And the Times wants you to know Musk was a big, blubbering, cry baby during this interview, okay?

Elon Musk was at home in Los Angeles, struggling to maintain his composure. “This past year has been the most difficult and painful year of my career,” he said. “It was excruciating.”

Seriously he just could NOT keep himself together.

In an hourlong interview with The New York Times, he choked up multiple times, noting that he nearly missed his brother’s wedding this summer and spent his birthday holed up in Tesla’s offices as the company raced to meet elusive production targets on a crucial new model.

God he just…keeps crying.

In the interview on Thursday, Mr. Musk alternated between laughter and tears.

It’s stressful to be Elon Musk, okay? When you’re an immensely powerful man worth nearly $20 billion who tweets like an impulsive, immature teenager and discourages employees from unionizing, I can only IMAGINE how exhausting it must all be.

“There were times when I didn’t leave the factory for three or four days — days when I didn’t go outside,” he said. “This has really come at the expense of seeing my kids. And seeing friends.”

Mr. Musk stopped talking, seemingly overcome by emotion.

Oh, boo hoo. Hopefully Musk has some $100 bills around to wipe his tears with.