In News We Are Totally Not Surprised to Report, anus-obsessed racist and child bride promoter Phil Robertson has more dumb things to say about sex.

Did I just write a headline for The Onion? I'm convinced that every time one of the Duck Dynasty nuts spouts off some nonsensical hoopety-hoo, an Onion writer cries, tears off a sheet of paper with tomorrow's headline and tearfully tosses it into the trash. Because at this point, the Robertson clan are literally becoming nonsensical parodies of themselves. That's the only rational explanation for this.

According to Raw Story, Robertson delivered a sermon at White's Ferry Road Church in West Monroe, Louisiana which will probably go down in history as some of the dumbest shit ever spoken out loud:

"Biblically correct sex is safe," Robertson said during a sermon in West Monroe, Louisiana last month. "It's safe. You're not going to get chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, AIDS — if you, if a man marries a woman, and neither of you have it, and you keep your sex between the two of you, you're not going to get ever sexually transmitted diseases."

[...]

"Man meets woman, marries her, keeps his sex right there," he said. "The children come, the chances of them getting a sexually transmitted disease, would you say is almost zero? You can say it."

Remember, the man has to keep "his sex right there." Men, don't go putting your sex in the garage or leaving it at work. You have to keep it right there, on top your wife at all times. OTHERWISE YOU COULD GET THE CLAP.

Here, enjoy his bullshit sermon for yourself!

Click here to view this www.mrctv.org embed.

Image via Getty.