Donald Trump Is Having the Best Afternoon of His Life

Thursday afternoon, GOP presidential hopeful and adult blobfish Donald Trump was like a kid in a candy shop of intolerance as he took a tour of the U.S.-Mexico border that he wasn’t actually invited to. He got to be brave, racist, spurned and adored all at the same time — what a dream.

On the road to the border city of Laredo, Texas, Trump portrayed himself as a hero, noting repeatedly the grave danger he faced by going so close to Mexico.

“I have to do it,” he said. “I love this country.”

He finally arrived to Laredo, somehow unharmed by the presence of Nonwhites, and gave a press conference in an adorable little hat (presumably worn to prevent skin cancer because Mexico is death incarnate… has he said that yet?) during which time he answered no questions and made no points.

When asked what he would do about the estimated 11 million immigrants currently living in the U.S., Trump ignored the question and said that “we’ll have plenty of time to talk about it” after our borders are strengthened. He also refused to outline exactly what proof he had that Mexico was funneling criminals over the border, saying only, “We’ll be showing you the evidence.”

Trump then proved that he was a better joke writer than any of us when he assured reporters he would “win the Hispanic vote,” because “over the years, thousands and thousands of Hispanics have worked for me.”

In an interview published Thursday in The Hill, Trump doubled down on his persona as “exhausting child” when he threatened to run as an independent because Republicans had been mistreating him.

“The RNC has not been supportive. They were always supportive when I was a contributor. I was their fair-haired boy,” he said. “I’ll have to see how I’m being treated by the Republicans… If they’re not fair, that would be a factor.”

But in his speech at Laredo, he didn’t seem too worried about losing the Republican nomination:

“I want to run as a Republican. I think I’ll get the nomination,” he said. “The best way to win is for me to get the nomination and run against probably Hillary.”