Welcome to Grim Yelp Reviews, a new regular feature where we share people’s worst experiences at the worst places. This week: swimming pools, and the horrifying mysteries floating in them.
Spring is officially upon us, and you know what that means: Easter eggs, flowers blooming in the park, longer days, and the immediate, crushing return of your seasonal depression. Soon enough, though, it’ll be pool season. Grab your flip-flops, watch out for that lone Band-Aid floating lazily past, and dear God, avoid that suspicious warm spot in the shallow end. Why do we do go swimming again?
Grim Yelp reviews of pools tend to fall into a few specific categories: complaints about the water, mainly the horrific organic compounds sloshing around in it, complaints about the staff, and Yelpers who realized far too late that pools involve having to hang out with other people, some of them partially nude and/or extremely intoxicated.
To protect the names of the innocent and not-so-innocent alike, we’ve redacted the names of the businesses, as well as the identities of the Yelpers who wrote the reviews. We realize you can probably find out all of that information by employing five seconds of Google magic.
The Staff:
This one’s from a pool and after-care center. The best one, from the sound of it:
A pool is not like prison and the lifeguards are not like correctional officers:
The park employees and life guards are a nightmare.
– be prepared to be treated like an inmate in a prison bootcamp.
– be prepared to flash your underwear in public to prove you are wearing swimming trunks.
– be prepared for police barriers, bag searches and constant whistles of aggressive life guards (apparently it is not ok for my seven year old daughter to put her hands on my shoulders)
No, seriously, let’s stop using that metaphor:
The Water:
In this next one, we either have two different people who decided to fling their used tampons into the pool, or one person who’s double-fisting them. Which is worse? Seriously, I’m asking:
After being in the congregated pools, I wanted to put my bathing suit in the dryer/spinner, however it was out of order. So, we showered and got into the women’s only hot tubs. Again, the water was cloudy, scummy and in one pool there was a band aid and in TWO other pools there were DIRTY BLOODY TAMPONS. I reported these conditions immediately to the staff in the women’s area and they promptly closed down the pools- kudos on that. The issue of the tampons in the hot tubs is a matter of health and safety.
Somehow, “various chunks” is what got me:
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
