Cool Pope Francis Is Visiting America Next Year

Pope Francis refuses to be one-upped by even the royal family—the pope has announced that in 2015, he will be making his first ever visit to the United States since his appointment. But don’t get too excited yet—he’s going to Philly.

Yep, Cool Pope will be attending the World Meeting of Families, set to take place in Philadelphia from September 22-27 next year. While I totally want the World Meeting of Families to actually be a large conference for every family-run crime syndicate in the world to sit down and play games like Boggle and Twister, it’s actually a meeting where Catholic leaders celebrate the importance of family and discuss topics like “The Meaning of Human Sexuality,” “All Love Bears Fruit,” and “Choosing Life.” Great.

On Saturday, Not-So-Cool Pope denounced euthanasia (in light of Brittany Maynard’s death), abortion, in vitro fertilization, and embryonic stem cell research as “a sin against the creator, against God the creator,” which in spite of all his recent groundbreaking statements is still incredibly disheartening. Pope, why you gotta be like that?

Here’s hoping by the time this World Meeting rolls around, the Pope will have come to his senses about his idea of family. I mean what could be a better way to celebrate family than to perform a mass gay wedding at the World Meeting of Families. Or give women the choice to start their family when they’re damn well ready?

At the very least, here’s hoping he keeps making crusty old bishops very nervous.