This morning I was excited to find that the star of Veronica’s Closet, Kirstie Alley, was back in the news. “Well, at least people are thinking of her,” I thought, as I read my feed, bleary-eyed before my first can of diet coke. I had no idea why Alley was pleading guilty in something called “Bridgegate,” but I was really pumped to see her making headlines. Sadly, I was wrong.

While many people who aren’t that funny but think they are are making ironic jokes about Kirstie Alley and Christie Ally — that’s David Wildstein, the man who helped Chris Christie cause gridlock on a bridge as retaliation against a mayor who didn’t vote for him—being the same person, I was genuinely excited to find one of my favorite actresses back in the spotlight, hoping that once again she would be given a sitcom or allowed to write a book. As someone who bought Fat Actress at retail and owns It Takes Two on DVD because of Alley’s star turn as the woman who adopts the more cute of the Olsen twin, Alley’s career is important to me and I’ve been championing her from the sidelines for years, even if she won’t follow me back on Twitter.

Note my descent into sadness right after pitching:

For Kirstie Alley, I have seen the following films (in no particular order): For Richer or Poorer, Village Of the Damned, Toothless (excellent), and Salem Witch Trials (which I know I saw but don’t really remember; probably a good thing). It’s safe to say that I’m really invested in Alley’s career, so to see this latest news not involve her has really deflated my friday. I feel that I’m owed something, so I’m doing my part to make this day not about Chris Christie’s horrible pettiness that cost the taxpayers money, but about celebrating Kirstie Alley in all of her glory, from some of her earliest films, to even the stuff she’s had to take lately—which, just beneath us girls, is sort of beneath her.

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So here’s a tribute I’ve found to Kirstie, accompanied by music by the also-forgotten KT Tunstall. Please enjoy in good health.

Alley has already responded to the allegations against her:

She also tweeted this bit of truth:

Miss you, Kirstie!

Image via Universal


Contact the author at mark.shrayber@jezebel.com.

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