People are (still) calling themselves “Cuomosexuals,” an expression of tortured lust for New York governor Andrew Cuomo and his brother, and Cristina Cuomo, wife of CNN anchor and covid-19-haver Chris Cuomo, is here for it. Cristina told Entertainment Tonight that she’s witnessed the brotherly banter between the two for years now, an image that would send everyone in the accursed #Cuomosexual and #Cuomocrush hashtags to horny jail.
“I had someone sending me a sweater that says [Cuomosexual]” Cristina said. “We should get some masks made, right?”
Please don’t. But The Daily Show’s Trevor Noah and Ellen DeGeneres would be first in line to buy those maks (behind this guy). The two both described themselves as Cuomosexuals on DeGeneres’s program Monday afternoon: Noah lauded Andrew Cuomo’s leadership, and DeGeneres fawned over Chris Cuomo’s je ne sais quoi.
“Chris, [Andrew’s] brother, God bless him, I love him so much,” DeGeneres said.
The Cuomosexual moniker developed in recent weeks out of collective admiration for Andrew Cuomo’s handling of the covid-19 crisis. Despite critiques on the time it took for New York to implement stay-at-home orders and Cuomo’s lack of care to covid-19's impact on the state’s inmates, having a sliver of competence in the face of this particular global pandemic is enough to turn anyone into a sex symbol. And a sex symbol who regularly engages in on-air banter with his younger brother? Who needs Pornhub?
Christina Cuomo is also ready to set her brother-in-law up with potential suitors. Andrew is currently on the market after his break up with Food Network icon and Kwanzaa cake maker, Sandra Lee.
“I’ve put together a waitlist of women who want to go out with him, which is so cute,” Cristina said. That’s certainly one word for it!
The rest of Cristina’s ET segment was dedicated to her own recent contraction of covid-19, which she said felt like “tense, explosive, negative sinus energy.” Cristina, a so-called wellness guru, is treating the virus with “natural remedies.” In other words, a shitton of vitamins.
“I’m taking an incredible amount of vitamin C, vitamin D, vitamin B, zinc, quinine, glutathione...” Cristina rattled off. She also noted that actor Robert Downey Jr. sent her and Chris a shitton of vitamins and “brain-boosting supplements.” Cuomo bro hashtags, horny news watchers, minerals, and celebrity vitamin delivery. I hate it here!
Correction, 2:27 p.m.: An earlier version of this article identified Sandra Lee, Kwanzaa Cake Queen, as Andrew Cuomo’s ex-wife. She was actually just a long-time girlfriend. We regret the error as much as Lee likely regrets the cake.