The Hot Cuomo Seems to Be Having an Existential Crisis

Chris Cuomo, who I only recently discovered is incredibly good looking, seems to be having an existential crisis, possibly as a result of being infected with coronavirus and quarantining alone in his very nice stark white basement. On his SiriusXM radio show, Let’s Get After It, Cuomo let out his inner demons and railed against his day job at CNN. “I don’t like I do professionally,” he said. “I’ve decided. I don’t want to spend my time doing things that are not valuable enough to me,” He also called out that man-child posing as a president for being “full of shit by design.” Having to work while battling a fever and arguing with his brother about who is the family favorite is clearly not benefiting Cuomo’s mood. (Not to get all HGTV on his ass, but I think painting the basement might help, maybe even a colorful throw pillow.)

With more time on his hands to reflect on his life, the cost of fame and success seems to now be settling in Cuomo’s mind. Like a true patriot, Cuomo pondered the choice of walking away from his millions over the incalculable value of telling people to fuck off whenever he wants. Cuomo referenced an incident on Easter Sunday, where a man berated him in front of his home for being outdoors with his family and Cuomo said he wished he could have behaved like a normal citizen instead of a public figure and told the man to “go to hell” instead of having to control himself. “I want to be able to tell you to go to hell, to shut your mouth … I don’t get that doing what I do for a living.” Perhaps if the man had called him Fredo, Cuomo would have slipped into normal citizen mode.

The coronavirus has even forced Cuomo to reassess his value as a human being. “I don’t think I matter enough, I don’t think I can really change anything,” he mused aloud, possibly thinking he was in a fever dream and not in the middle of a live radio broadcast. “What am I really doing,” he asked.

While these are great questions, and ones that many people are likely asking themselves while pushing through weeks of self-isolation, what I really want to know is why a millionaire who is clearly very sick still working? Despite Cuomo telling callers on his show that he’s “fine” and “feeling better” it’s clear that the man should take a few more weeks of sick leave so he can work all this out with his journal and some teletherapy.