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Cardi B Is, As Always, Taking Care of Cardi B

Illustration for article titled Cardi B Is, As Always, Taking Care of Cardi B
Image: Pascal Le Segretain (Getty Images)

Here’s another small dribble of information about Cardi B and Offset’s impending divorce, which went public sometime last week and has been now batted around the gossip rags, much like the large bug your cat wants to kill but lacks the paw-eye coordination to do so.

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Last week, Cardi mentioned on Instagram that part of the reason she’s leaving his ass is because she’s sick and tired of arguing all the time. Another reason, which we know now because someone at Page Six pays for Only Fans? She is sick and tired of Offset’s inability to keep his fucking dick in his pants!

Here’s a taste:

“I didn’t wait until he cheated on me again. I didn’t wait [for] another controversy with him being involved. I decided to leave. If I wanted to stay, I could have stayed. I decided to leave.”

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Listen! When you see the writing on the wall so clearly that it is basically seared on the inside of your eyelids when you lay your head down for slumber, you’d be a dumbass to ignore it. Cardi B, of all the things, is not a dumbass. Additionally, Cardi’s mind is focused on the two things that she’s deemed important right now: her bag and her child, Kulture. Nothing in this life is certain except for death and taxes, but Offset continuing to pull some fuckboy shit over and over again seems like a foregone conclusion, unless he can somehow reform and not be a dick. Godspeed to everyone involved, please, let’s just get through the rest of this goddamn year in peace. [Page Six]


Haven’t heard of or thought about himbo king Channing Tatum in a minute, but I’m glad to hear that he’s doing well. Also, I’m glad to see that he’s doing well.

“Ha daddy is finally back boooi!!” says Channing Tatum, who is now 40 and is likely going through what I hope is a fruitful midlife crisis that leads to him pivoting away from the silver screen and to an OnlyFans situation. Daddy is back, boooi. I see Daddy. Hello. [Hollywood Life]

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  • Billie Lourd had a baby. [People]
  • Glad that Kristin Cavallari is out here posting thirst traps. [E! News]
  • Christina Anstead, formerly married to Tarek El Moussa who is currently dating Heather Raethe dimmest bulb in the Oppenheimer Group’s utility closet—scrubbed her ex Ant Anstead’s presence from her socials. [People]

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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chocolate covered raisons d'être

Alright, Channing Tatum. You just...you....hmmmm...alright...<sigh>...damn... c’mon, man....I can’t...you....ok.....