This is not a request that I’d make lightly, so please, let me make my case: KJ Apa, the handsome and very buff star of Riverdale has been tricked by hair and makeup into thinking that this dye job is acceptable and should be worn in public.

As initially pointed out by writer Tasbeeh Herwees, he is on the red carpet at TIFF at the premiere of The Hate U Give, dressed like a chic milkman, with his Riverdale-approved red hair. While KJ Apa is hot, this hair is stressful. I know that he must have red hair because Archie, the cartoon character that he embodies IRL as a moody teen with a strong brow, also has red hair, but I refuse to believe that this is the way forward.

hmmmmmm
Image: Getty

His natural hair color is not this crayon-ass auburn, but a darker, lovelier brown. He dyes it this color so that he can be Archie. It doesn’t look great—the tone is too warm. Apa is a Winter masquerading as an Autumn, and I’m sorry, it just doesn’t work! But art is art is art; I understand the necessity of this, but I worry about the health and the texture and I feel anxiety about the styling. What about a wig? Wouldn’t a wig be nice? Strap that shit on, pin it real tight. Make sure it doesn’t move. This is rude to a handsome man, but also rude to me.