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Can Prince Harry Be My Dad?

Prince Harry
Prince Harry
Image: Getty

The dad fish from Finding Nemo, Mufasa from The Lion King, Liam Neeson in Taken, Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Hemsworth from Instagram — these are some truly great dads (their real life counterparts, maybe not so much). Sure, they’re mostly fictionalized and two out of five are literally cartoon characters, but it’s pretty impossible to look at this collection of paternal figures and not immediately recognize the palpable love they have for their children.

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I too have been blessed with a great dad but sometimes even I wonder, should I ever find myself captured by a scuba diver and forced to live in an artificial microcosm of my actual home being tortured by a maniacal redheaded overlord, would my father traverse the East Atlantic Current, fight off sharks and ride in the gullet of a bird alongside a fish that sounds like Ellen Degeneres just to save me? I’d like to think yes, but sometimes I’m still not so sure.

One kid who will never need to question the lengths their dad would go to in order to protect them is Archie Mountbatten-Windsor, the son of Prince Harry, who’s gone all the way to Canada (for now) to do what’s best for his family.

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During a speech on Thursday, Harry talked about the decision he and wife Meghan Markle have made to relocate in order to live a more peaceful life. “He does not want Meghan and their son Archie to go through what he did as a child,” someone who was in attendance for his speech said.

The event was Harry and Meghan’s first joint public appearance together since they announced in January that they would be stepping back from their royal duties, and took place in South Beach, Miami. This was presumably because they wanted party in the city where the heat is on all night, on the beach till the break of dawn, but might just have been because it’s cold in Canada and they were looking for warmer weather.

Either way, Archie is lucky to have both Harry and Meghan as parents, who’ve both had to deal with more familial drama in the public eye than is even conceivable. Harry’s been very open about the trauma he’s had to work through after the death of his mother, Princess Diana, and has been candid in saying wants to protect his family from having to relive that experience. This looks to be a very big step in the right direction. [People]


In other royal news, it appears that should any of Meghan’s rumored job opportunities fall through at Disney, Netflix, or otherwise, she can always open up an Etsy shop to support her and Harry’s ambitions of being financially independent of the crown.

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According to Justine Harman, a former editor at Elle and the current host of the podcast The Baron of Botox, before Meghan was a royal, she’d stopped by Elle’s offices and offered to be the calligrapher for Harman’s wedding.

I was talking about my wedding, and she was so sweet and excited for me and she was like, ‘Do you have someone doing the calligraphy for the wedding day?’” Harman said. She didn’t at the time but, ultimately, Markle didn’t end up filling the role regardless. Offering favors and not following through? Royals, they’re just like us!

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Harman thinks it might have been the work of an agent who convinced Markle not to follow through on her offer, although four years later when the two met again Markle remembered their talk and asked about the wedding. Maybe things just got lost in the shuffle.

I’d imagine calligraphy would have come in handy living in a castle, but that’s just because I really don’t have a clear understanding of what royal life is actually like. Now that’s she living outside of England, perhaps she’ll be able to pick up lettering as a hobby again, or maybe, even as a career. Should she one day decide to open up Markle’s Markings on Etsy, I’d gladly be order number one. [Page Six]

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Clear communication can be difficult, especially when you feel like people don’t understand what you’re saying. Cindy Crawford’s son Presley Gerber is apparently tired of having to explain himself, and as a way out, anytime he feels like people aren’t getting it, he’ll just have to point to his face.

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  • Ta ta Tatum, Jenna Dewan is finally changing her last name [Us Weekly]
  • Drake spent the night at Imaan Hamman’s, but what I really want to know is what’s in his Chanel overnight bag [Bossip]
  • Phillip Schofield came out, welcome to the family hun! [E! News]
  • Vanessa Bryant announced the memorial for Kobe and Gigi [TMZ]

freelance writer living in San Francisco. Please clap.

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DISCUSSION

cricketthecat
CrickettheCat

Garrett, your Dirt Bags (and your other writing on Jezebel) are the perfect balance of funny and kind. I admire your ability to *gently* poke fun. They should have you write all week!