Brooklyn Hipsters Robbing Locally, Stealing Vintage Bear Sex Jewelry

If you live in Brooklyn, you’d better get all that shit you bought off Etsy and put it in some kind of whimsical vault with a vintage vinyl covering, because hipsters are coming for you and your OOAK bear sex ring. (And they’re taking cameras, too. How else they gonna take some dope selfies?)

Gothamist reports that one burglary, which happened last Friday in Williamsburg, is still under investigation and that the NYPD is looking for any information that might lead to the arrest of the culprit and the return of several beautiful items of jewelry, including a ring that has two bears just fucking all over it. I was going to snark on the ring (below), but I realized that I have several friends who would probably wear the hell out of any of the items stolen, so I’m not going to judge anyone for their choice of jewelry and instead judge the lame-ass monsters who are going around Williamsburg and stealing from other hipsters. Probably wearing headbands while they do it.

What are you going to do with a bear sex ring, monsters? It’s obviously OOAK, so you can’t resell it! (Etsy doesn’t even allow that!) (Does it?) (Wait, what if there were a section of Etsy that’s just all stolen items “curated” from other people’s aprtments? Be real, that totally sounds like a thing Etsy would do.)

The NYPD is asking anyone with information to call their CRIMESTOPPERS hotline at 800-577-TIPS or by going on the CRIMESTOPPERS DOT COM website. A mason jar full of taxidermy eyes is being offered as reward. (Maybe.)