Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse Are Done, Were Apparently Dating

Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse have called it quits after two years of dating. JustJared reports that the couple, who made it a pretty long time by Hollywood standards, have not given a reason for their split and that the split may “only be temporary.” I don’t exactly know what that means, but I imagine it’s one of those things you say to soften the blow even when it isn’t true. For instance, when I came out of the closet in high school, I told people that I “loved people, not penises or vaginas” just to test the waters before announcing that really I just loved penises a little more than previously thought. Is that what’s happening here?

The couple has remained so private throughout their relationship that many of you may actually be scratching your head and wondering whether you’d ever heard they were dating at all. Perhaps it’s those kind of secrets that ended the relationship. Or perhaps it’s that there’s a huge age difference between the two (23 and 40). Or perhaps it’s because Bradley Cooper…god, who cares? WISHING THEM THE BEST! [Just Jared; E!]

Lily James, friend of woodland creatures everywhere, says that the controversy about her waist is irrelevant. I don’t know about you, but I feel the controversy died down as soon as the movie actually came out and everyone realized that the only thing they cared about was the outfits that Cate Blanchett wore throughout. To be honest, I really only cared that the movie was unrealistic in its portrayal of rodents, which cannot live 15 years as the movie claimed. Especially if one of those rodents is severely overweight. Excessive weight gain can significantly decrease the lifespan of a small animal and I feel it was completely irresponsible of the filmmakers to put a fat mouse in the movie just to entertain children (who were so bored during the showing I went to that one little girl shit herself in protest). Lily James’ waist can be returned to its former healthy glory, but an overweight mouse? Friend, you’ve got yourself a heap of trouble there. In addition, please be reminded that field mice do not make good pets. They are wild and therefore tend to bite and kill other small domesticated creatures. Thank you.[Just Jared]

The live action Fraggle Rock movie is coming. It will star Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It will be amazing. I wonder who they are going to get to play that pile of wonder that gives the Fraggles advice. Is it called the magical pile of garbage in The US? I watched the series back in Russia (#hipsteralert) before immigrating and I think they translated the names wrong. [Us]
Have we talked about the fact that Chris Brown’s baby is named Royalty? I feel kind of bad for a child who’s mere name puts her right on the path of the same narcissistic personality disorder that her father suffers from. [Hollywood Life]
Gigi Hadid did not do cocaine, according to her boyfriend, who has no vested interest in protecting her public image. [Us]
E! has a fascinating look at what would happen if every member of the Kardashian family went full Malfoy. [E!]
Kevin Hart bought his ex-wife an Escalade for her birthday. I can’t write anything else because I am currently seething with naked jealousy. You know what I bought myself for my birthday? A prison yard for my guinea pigs. (I also bought them little knives and leather hats for to look very tough.) [Us]
Behold, a retrospective of Ilana Glazer’s best outfits! I want to point out that I considered wearing the Dumb and Dumber tuxes to the Adult Video Awards, but was told not to by the higher-ups because that would “make people too uncomfortable” and “come off as creepy.” But when Ilana Glazer does it, she gets a retrospective? You know what this is? #Misandry. [Nylon]
Adam Levine threw a microphone in frustration (I can picture him doing exactly this) and hit a concertgoer on the head. Making sure she wouldn’t have any reason to sue, Levine brought the fan on stage and let her watch the show from the wings “as it should be.” The starstruck woman quickly proclaimed it the best day of her life. I hope the second best day of her ilife will be when she claims her enjoyment was related to a concussion and sues Maroon 5 into oblivion. That’s what you’d do, right? [Us!]
There will never be anything better than this video of the Supreme Jessica Lange trying to understand what a “Lady Gaga” is and then just rolling her head in utter boredom at the name of the pop star’s name. [Dlisted]

Speaking of videos, here’s the best one for you thursday evening! Enjoy this fun practical joke!