Bill O'Reilly Can't Handle How Jealous He Is of Megyn Kelly

Megyn Kelly is again walking away from infantile on-air arguments smelling like roses and blonde contempt. A little over a week ago, she was sparring with professional moron Dinesh D’Souza and now Kelly has managed to make the grumpiest white man on the planet look like a even more cantankerous, crusty scab.

Fox’s Bill O’Reilly has a bone to pick about Megyn Kelly’s recent New York Times profile. Poor widdle Billy is vewy vewy sad that the big fancy newspapa’ likes Megyn more than him. Billy just doesn’t understand why he can’t be fancy also.

O’Reilly thinks that the article is a “puff piece” and argues that it’s just because the NYT doesn’t usually say nice things about Fox News that he’s so surprised. Bill here is obviously ignoring the fact that perhaps there wasn’t previously an opportunity to say anything complimentary about the network because they spend most of their time doing the devil’s work.

It’s not surprising Bill O’Reilly is so pressed about this article, but it’s especially interesting, as Salon notes, when you consider that Kelly is currently beating him in the ratings.

“They don’t like anybody else on the Fox News channel but they like her,” he whines. Does the New York Times really like Megyn Kelly or are they simply capitalizing on the most dynamic and newsworthy person at the network right now? Whether anybody likes it or not, Kelly is doing very well at the number one (shudder) news network in the country. An article uncovering the root of her success makes perfect sense.

O’Reilly tries to chalk the whole thing up to Kelly being charming, which, yeah, she is. WHAT’S YOUR POINT BILLY? Should we be surprised that a media outlet is interested in a charming person? It’s it totally unexpected that human beings respond well to charm? Kelly challenges him by arguing that the reporter was also very fair to O’Reilly in the story, to which he responds:

“PSHHH WABBA WABBA PSSHHH GAAAH.”

Billy is very hung up on this idea that the NYT doesn’t like ANYBODY ELSE at Fox News but Megyn Kelly, which is a stunningly logical conclusion to make. Megyn Kelly often acts like garbage person and overall, she swims in the deep, deep sea of abject garbage, but she does have the occasional non-garbage moment of clarity which is the best one can hope from a Fox News employee.

I’m becoming very uncomfortable with the feelings I’m developing towards Megyn Kelly and I’m praying that someday soon she’ll jump ship and go somewhere where she’s allowed to to use actual facts. In the meantime, it’s just so hard to hate someone who makes Bill O’Reilly look like this much of a sniveling, jealous clod. Oh well, I’m sure Megyn Kelly will give me a reason to return to my senses about her very, very soon.