Aunt Becky's Making Some Friends in Prison!

Illustration for article titled Aunt Becky's Making Some Friends in Prison!
Image: JOSEPH PREZIOSO/AFP (Getty Images)

It’s been a minute since we’ve heard a peep from Aunt Becky, who is still doing time for the crime of trying to scam her daughter’s way into college. That’s because she’s in prison, and has yet to figure out how to do a podcast from the rec yard. Thankfully, we have Us Weekly’s carefully-placed sources to keep us abreast of what she’s doing.

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It seems that Aunt Becky’s been making some new friends, attending church, and praying a lot. Aunt Becky’s presence in the prison, where she has been since October 30, is a nice thing for the other inmates because prison officials are reportedly taking this whole pandemic thing seriously ONLY because Aunt Becky is there!! “The other women are happy Lori is there because officials are taking COVID-19 seriously with a high-profile inmate,” the source said to Us Weekly. “It would be horrible PR if Lori got COVID-19 and got really sick.”

Hmm. Yes, sure. It would be terrible if Aunt Becky got covid, but it would also be terrible if, um, the entire prison that has the dubious honor of hosting Aunt Becky got covid? Like, framing Aunt Becky’s presence as a covid insurance protection plan, as this throwaway gossip item does, feels callous, but I guess it’s realistic. The women that are “friends” with Becky are staying close to her ass because I am sure she’s being given SOME form of special treatment!! The good masks, hand sanitizer, an occasional bag of Cheetos? I don’t know, but I’ve seen that one season of Orange Is The New Black with Judy King, the Martha Stewart stand-in, and she got the same sort of “celebrity” treatment that I can only assume is happening to Aunt Becky

Anyway, Aunt Becky’s spending Thanksgiving in prison, but per this “source, she’ll definitely be home by Christmas. Must be fucking nice! [Us Weekly]


Today I learned that one of Channing Tatum’s post-filming-a-movie rituals is shaving his head to let the character he played go and to “be free.”

I mean this in the politest way possible, but maybe Channing Tatum is also shaving his head because the hair that is on his head is beginning to leave his head forever. I am not an expert in male pattern baldness, but I am looking closely at his hairline in a way that I don’t think he wanted, and I’m seeing... some things. Bald is beautiful, Channing!! Keep it off!! Never wear a shirt, either! Just a suggestion. [Instagram]

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  • That old bitch who wore a racist brooch to Buckingham Palace for a dinner where Meghan Markle was in attendance has coronavirus, and says she got it “from the maid.” [Celebitchy]
  • Good ol’ Miley Cyrus is two weeks sober after a pandemic-induced backslide. [Us Weekly]
  • Lil Wayne’s daughter, Reginae Carter, got her boobs done and is quite happy about it. [People]

Senior Writer, Jezebel

DISCUSSION

anneelliott1993
anneelliott1993

I read somewhere that her daughters, 21 and 22, were utterly devastated to not have at least one parent available to them. Then I made this really indescribable face that was part scoff, part sneer, part “are you fucking kidding me?”