To anyone who a) doesn’t believe that restaurant customers actually go as batshit as frequently appears in BCO, and b) also believes that they never face some small measure of justice for it, I give you this video.
In it, an enraged customer is upset over a laundry list of offenses, including that they speak a language other than English, gave her son green peppers instead of red because he “doesn’t eat green things!”, and that preparing replacement food would, in accordance with the principles of causation, take time. Throughout the video, she appears to be attempting to check off every box on shithead customer bingo, getting louder and louder. Then she attempts to storm out, and, well...you’ll just have to watch.
Here’s a transcript:
Customer: “You got it wrong...*employees appear to be talking to each other in another language for no more than three seconds* you know what? I’m really glad you two can talk to each other in whatever language it is that you’re speaking, but it’s really rude. And if you want to be polite to the customer, OK *employee appears to be beginning to say something*—HEY! If you want to be polite to the customer, then you speak English to the customer in America. OK? *smacking counter for emphasis* My kids don’t. Eat. Green. Things. They eat RED peppers—”
Employee: “Calm down—”
Customer: “YOU calm down!*”
Employee: “They are normally made with green pepper.”
Customer: “OK, *mocking* ‘usually you make with green pepper,’ I ordered it with red pepper...what are you gonna do about it?”
Employee: “If you like, we can make new one.”
Customer: “OK, how long is it going to take?!”
Employee: “Fifteen minutes.”
Customer: “Fifteen minutes! I don’t have fifteen minutes for you not to know English, not to get it right the first time! You get it right the first time! *starts banging on the counter for emphasis again* The customer. Is always. Right. That’s how it works here! And I don’t have time for this—I don’t have time for fifteen minutes of you two being rude, talking about whatever it is you’re talking about, in whatever language it is that you’re speaking, OK? This is America, and you get it right the first time. *employee begins to say something* YOU GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME! Get it right the first time. *as she’s walking away* Get it right the first time, OK?
*THUMP*
As numerous YouTube commenters pointed out, she did not get the door right the first time.
h/t everyone on the internet, who apparently all sent me this at once.
* “YOU’RE a towel!”
Contact the author at WilyUbertrout@gmail.com.
DISCUSSION
That’s what I do: When I want to see Americans speaking English, I go to a kebab shop.