ANTM: The Judges Are Very Judgmental

When someone on a panel tells you your face looks ugly, or if they pretend to barf after looking at you, or if they laugh at your clothing, it’s because Tyra thinks it’s ~~funny~~ helpful.

How great was Paulina’s mimed puke after looking at a photo of one of the models?

Last night was the beloved makeover episode. Tyra said that she wanted to turn the girls into “Femme Fatalians.” I don’t really know what “fatalian” actually means to Tyra, but I kind of have a working knowledge of her working knowledge, and I’m guessing that she meant “fatale” but with a “stallion” mixed in, like she wanted them to be strong or something. But a stallion is an uncastrated male horse. So I guess she wanted to give them some balls?

When I think of “fatalian,” I think of the genesis of the word “fugly,” which is “fucking ugly.” So for me, “fatalian” is “fucking italian.” Except drop the “g” at the end. And add some “g’s” in the middle. Fuggin’ Italian.

She totally made Thalia look fuggin’ Italian. Seriously, put a gold cross around her neck, a knockoff Louis Vuitton on her arm, and some permanent French tips on her nailsand she could be straight outta Howard Beach, Queens.

I wanted to write about this last week, but I was sick, so I’ll have to get to it now. I understand that one of Thalia’s missions in life is to help other burn victims feel beautiful, and I think that’s laudable, but if they were worried about Elina not getting booked because of her tattoos, then what do they think will happen to Thalia because of her scars? Also, as Mr. Jay said, Thalia is in between model and plus-size model. Which means she’s totally normal. But those girls who hover in the middle always seem to get sent home.

It’s inevitable that this girl (whose pictures have sucked, btw) will be sent home over her middling weight and/or her burn scars. So, what exactly, is the positive message in that? To build someone up to eventually tell her that she doesn’t look “right”? The fashion industry is often elitist and gross, but I have a feeling that she doesn’t get that.

Back to fuggin’ Italian…Mr. Jay looks like a Real Housewife of Staten Island.

It’s hard to tell here, but there’s glitter on that turtleneck.

And can you believe that Fo made such a stink about her new hair, crying for days? Her makeover was such an improvement!
Be Fo:

And after:

Totally stunning. The hottest/cutest one in the competition, in my opinion. She needs to bone up on Tyra’s rules of “inner fierceness.”

As far as pictures go, I think that Allison, Natalie, and Celia had the best shots by far, and it sucks that they’ll have to wait another week for the opportunity to be featured as digital art in the house.

I loved during the elimination, when it was down to the final two, and Tyra was giving her speech, London and Allison were too busy looking at their own photos.

I totally get that though. It’s like when someone takes a picture of you with their digital camera and then shows it to you for like a second and takes it back and you’re like, “No, I need more time with this. Let me survey myself.”

I was wondering what Miss J’s “thing” was going to be at panel this cycle, since I don’t think they mentioned it last week. It’s bow tie, that will grow larger every time a girl goes home.

Kinda like how Freddy Krueger grew more powerful for each murdered child’s soul he absorbed.

1, 2…Miss J is coming for you

3, 4…Better work Dior

5, 6…Take your fiercest pics

7, 8…Your walk’s not great

9, 10…Never model again