The Republican debates have never been fun—not even a little bit, not for a moment. But, for me at least, they were comforting, like watching all your terrible uncles get drunk in your basement and see who could eat a sandwich in the fewest number of bites.
Unlike your uncles, who you are bound to by blood for all of your miserable, short lives, the Republican candidates are allowed to say, “Enough.” And one by one, they have brushed the dirt of the campaign trail off their fancy boots and returned, sheepishly, to their hometowns.
Tonight’s Houston, Texas debate is the smallest yet—only Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, John Kasich, and Ben Carson will participate—and the final one before Super Tuesday on March 1, which will dole out a quarter of the party’s delegates and determine who has a shot at the nomination and who definitely, definitely doesn’t (I hope there is nap time wherever you end up, sweet Ben Carson).
As you watch tonight’s debate (at 8:30 p.m. EST on CNN or CNN.com), don’t be embarrassed to feel melancholic or nostalgic or whatever—it’s one of the last times what remains of our stupid gang will be together on one stage before Trump wins the nomination and outlaws both free thought and stages.
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