9.) Adult men skateboarders are the true enemy in “SK8R BOI.”

A superficial listener may read Avril Lavigne’s opus to be the product of a woman who has internalized misogynistic culture, and they’d be right. But the real enemy of women is the “SK8R BOI” for whom the song is titled. What do we know about him? He’s a.) some man b.) a skateboarder c.) bad. Next!


10.) It’s kind of mid-life crisis-y.

Professionals are the exception, sure, but why hold on to skateboarding simply because you loved doing it as a clove-smoking class-cutter? Being an adult is dope. Get into adult stuff. (And I do not mean scourge of the skating world, the LONGBOARD, which is the chosen vehicle for, like, surfer-y skaters. That is the worst.) Like, have you ever hiked? Go for a damn hike. Learn to cook. I’ve heard good things about Alison Roman.


Need I go on? I’ll answer that one—no. Adult men shouldn’t skateboard. Leave it to the ladies and children. Disagree if you must, but just know that you are wrong.