Image: Getty, Illustration: Elena Scotti

For the past two years, I have felt the walls encroaching in on me. It’s been a slow, almost imperceptible creep, from a time one year ago when I thought, “Tiny glasses? I’ll pass,” to my current, inexplicable need to have one-to-three pairs for the summer. It is as Hazel Cills has soothsayed (soothsaid?): one day we all must submit to tiny glasses, and my day is yesterday.

All this is to say that there is one fashion icon who has been a proponent of the tiny glasses trend years before it became cool, became uncool, and then became cool again—and such are the ebbing and flowing tides of fashion; even a broken lewk is fixed twice a century—Benjamin Franklin. The alleged womanizer invented not only the urinary catheter, but also the bifocal, meaning he, not Gigi, not Kendall, but Ben literally originated this look. Let’s honor a fashun forward legend.

Serving you Founding Daddie realness:

Image: Getty

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Pair your tiny specs with a mink cap if you want to scream Trotting Off to My Upper East Side Cosmetic Dermatologist for a Quick Tightening Before the New Year Eleganza:

Image: Getty

The Library (of Congress) is open and Benny is reading you for filth!!!!!

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Tip: For a special occasion, pair your weensiest specs with a three-piece brown velvet culotte ensemble!

Is a hat, spectacles, bold ascot, knee-high tights, and buckle shoes too much statement? To that I respond with an historic rejoinder— “Hear no ill of a Friend, nor speak any of an Enemy.” The shade!!!!!! I am deceased!!!! And so is he :(