In this week's compilation of pop culture crap, Real Sports reveals that Tareq and Michaele Salahi are crooks and weirdos, Charlie Day makes penetration jokes about Jennifer Aniston, and the Miss Universe cultural costumes could be future Lady Gaga outfits.
1.) The Salahis don't have grapes.
On this week's episode of Real Housewives of D.C. (BTW, snooze fest, anyone?), the Salahis invited some of the other cast members to their vineyard to stomp grapes. Except that they bought supermarket grapes and tried to pass them off as vineyard grapes. The show didn't explain why this was.
2.) Because the Salahis don't have a winery.
It turns out that Tareq Salahi's own mother sued him for mismanagement of the family winery, on which he apparently completely dropped the ball. The winery declared bankruptcy and the fields aren't growing any grapes, and haven't for years. On top of that, Real Sports discovered that the Salahi's charity is a fraud, they pretended to play against India in America's Polo Cup (by getting players from Pakistan, because India wants nothing to do with the couple), and they bilked their vendors for the event—who were interviewed for this episode—out of tens of thousands of dollars.
3.) Also, Michaele is total weirdo.
She agreed to this interview, and obviously anyone who interviews these people are gonna ask about how they crashed the White House State Dinner, but she walked off camera when asked about it.
4.) Larry Birkhead's court sketch
I love that years after her death, Anna Nicole is still relevant in entertainment news, mostly because I just like seeing her on my TV again.
5.) Mike Huckabee has absolutely no charisma.
His show will probably be canceled soon, right? I mean, even his audience doesn't want really want to be there. (When Rob Reiner walks out, check out the ornery old man in the pink shirt on the right. He hates that his wife was duped by some intern in Times Square to sit in a studio audience.)
6.) Goddamnit, Charlie
As a Sunny fan, I'm hoping that he'll get getting famouser, so I can keep watching interviews like these.
7.) Be careful, or you'll hurt yourself with that phone.
8.) Jeanne Moos smoking in a Snazzy Napper.
If Andy Rooney ever dies (and he probably won't), I really hope that Jeanne Moos gets his job. She's great at the old-people-in-a-wacky-new-world thing.
9.) Ugh
I am so sick of Ronnie and Sam and their crap. However, I very much enjoyed the fact that people who read the note felt that a two-syllable word was beyond the scope of Snooki's vocabulary.
10.) Miss Universe
Mostly it was boring. No props fell on host Bret Michaels' head or anything. The best part for me is always the cultural costumes portion. I edited them down to outfits that could be candidates for Lady Gaga to wear. Miss Venezuela's outfit wins that contest, IMO.
DISCUSSION
Everyone keeps calling the RHODC a total snoozefest but I beg to differ. As someone who was born and raised in and around the District, with NEITHER parent working in the world of politics (not even close!), I think the show gives everyone a chance to see why us natives are constantly BEGGING the rest of the country to look beyond the weirdos in "power" and see the city for what it really is and who really lives here. Do you see the idiots we have to put up with all the time??? I mean, how AWFUL are these people?! And meanwhile all us cool natives, people with normal parents and normal lives and really cool taste in music and art and films and fun, who are exciting and interesting and creative and just freakin' awesome have to stand there while you ask us for the 400th time how to get to the White House and is there a chance Obama might come out and say hi?
Next time you're in DC, get to know us a little bit. We're so much better than those weirdos. (And OMG, the Salahi's are such a trainwreck it makes my brain feel all kinds of funny. RHONJ funny.)