Zoom Is for Business and Not for Virtual Sex According to Zoom and No One Else

If you’ve been on the internet for any period of time over the past month or so it’s pretty much common knowledge that everyone is extremely horny right now. Of course, people have always been horny, but at the present moment it seems like everyone has taken it to an eleven — we’re just straight-up making up holidays about it at this point.

The honriness online likely has to do with the social distancing everyone is practicing right now, which is limiting the options people have for getting off with anyone but themselves. However, as a species, humans have always been at least fairly adaptable and as such, it looks like we’ve come up with a solution for this problem too: virtual sex parties.

The idea of virtual sex is not one that is new by any means. I remember clicking through both Omegle and Chatroulette back in the day and seeing plenty of people masturbating on camera, although unlike the virtual sex parties taking place today, those experiences were certainly less consensual. Now, however, people have taken to online platforms en masse to get off with one another over the interwebs at a scheduled place and time, not waiting or hoping to come across someone on a randomized chat platform.

And, according to this article in Rolling Stone, it has, for the most part, worked out well. Virtual sex parties are serving their need and giving those who participate the much-needed release (lol) they are looking for. But, as with everything good, there must at least one person adamant about coming along and ruining the fun. In this case, that one person is Zoom itself, the platform that many virtual sex parties are ostensibly being hosted on.

Speaking to Rolling Stone, a Zoom spokesperson said

“Zoom’s user policies explicitly prohibit any obscene, indecent, illegal, or violent activity or content on the platform. We encourage users to report suspected violations of our policies, and we use a mix of tools, including machine learning, to proactively identify accounts that may be in violation.”

So, what I gather from that is Zoom is asking users to tell on their friends who are trying to consensually engage in a little pleasure over the internet. Not on my watch!

Also, I’d love to know more about what exactly they mean by the “mix of tools, including machine learning” that they plan to use to identify accounts in violation of this policy. The article already mentions people questioning Zoom’s privacy policies as a whole, so I can’t imagine anyone, sex party organizers or the other businesses that have turned to Zoom to facilitate remote work in recent weeks, being too fond of the idea of being watched by the company.

In the words of Kourtney Kardashian, “Kim there’s people that are dying.” Considering the fact that many people are turning to these parties for both pleasure and personal wellness during a hard time, maybe Zoom can just cut them some slack and focus their efforts elsewhere. You know, like working on regulating the Zoomboming that has occurred on many public streams that have been hosted on the platform.

There’s every likelihood that people have been having cybersex (it feels very vintage to say that) over Zoom for years, there’s certainly no reason for them to start snooping around now when people have limited options. Let the people have sex, Zoom! And also make pro accounts free for everyone. It’s the least you could do!