Every Day Is National Horny Day Now

Unfortunately, one of the first things I do every morning is open up Twitter like it’s the morning paper. It’s kind of like a morning paper—I’m just getting my news with a side of righteous indignation and thirst, which is why it shouldn’t have surprised me to see “National Horny Day” as one of the top trending topics Thursday morning. But as much as it was a refreshing reprieve from what usually trends—hashtags dedicated to partisan squabbling or canceling celebrities (#AshleyReeseIsOverParty)—I was still confused. What the fuck is National Horny Day, and… why does it exist?

According to Urban Dictionary, a site I distinctly remember using in eighth grade to find out what a chode was, National Horny Day is April 16. Since the entry was created in 2019, it’s safe to say that this bullshit holiday is relatively new and perhaps started out as some kind of personal joke or nice meme that has since exploded into a day worthy of thousands of tweets.

While browsing National Horny Day tweets, I’ve mostly seen memes about getting one’s back blown out, mildly smutty furry art, anime avi Twitter posting anime porn, k-pop fancams, thirsty quarantine tweets. Essentially, just another day on Twitter dot com.

But in this new era of social distancing, in which countless people are incredibly horny on main, it’s all the more evident. As my colleague Megan Reynolds noted in a piece regarding the influx of trend pieces about horniness, humans have always been horny. But I can’t be the only one who has seen an exponential growth of thirst traps on my timeline in the last month of lockdown. Even the most mild-mannered people I follow have resorted to a “fuck it, here’s my cleavage, lads” mindset. And frankly, why the fuck not? People are out of work and bored all day with nothing to do but tweet, rev up Pornhub after Andrew Cuomo’s daily briefing, play Animal Crossing, and try some TikTok dance challenges. And on top of all that, there are few responsible means of actually hooking up.

So yes, the horniness is mildly out of control, but the horny among us have my sympathy. I’m not sending everyone to horny jail just yet. Just this guy: