Your NY State License Plate Can't Say PUBES, KOTEX, or LUVCOK

It’s not that surprising that “FUCKER,” “DILD0E” and “SUCKIT” (and all variations thereof) are on the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles’s list of banned vanity plates. But non-straight people, Jews, and Kurt Vonnegut fans might be dismayed to know that GAYGUY, PISHER, and KARASS are no-nos, too. We’re living in a police state, and the police state frowns upon “DORK” and whatever BOOBS-related term you concoct.

The FOIA fairies at Government Attic requested a copy of the NY DMV’s list of prohibited personalized license plates and any internal instructions to DMV employees on procedures for screening personalized license plate applications. Here they are! The Village Voice culled some of the best ones:

All conceivable spellings of the word “Cock” are banned, along with references to breasts (BOOBS and also B00BS), sexual acts (CO1TUS), menstruation (KOTEX), and, of course, Nazi stuff (WAFFENSS, NOJUDEN). There’s even a little Yiddish: PISHER, P1SHER and ESSDREK (“It’s shit”) are all verboten.

In essence, New York has created a hostile environment for the Nazis, sexual deviants, and incredibly stupid, begging-to-be-pulled-over drug enthusiasts on its roads (JUNKIE, DRUGSALE). In the event of the Second Coming, even Jesus can’t get the appropriate plates for his sweet post-Resurrection ride: JESUS and UJESUS (?) are both off-limits.

My favorite detail is that “Any questionable combination not caught by the Red Guide will be searched using the Urban Dictionary or Google to help decipher its meaning.” It reminds me of the time my friend’s graduating high school class successfully convinced the administration that DGAF meant “don’t go away forever” and got permission to make very special senior T-shirts.