You Won't Be Able to Watch Porn at Starbucks Anymore, Sorry

By Maria Sherman | November 29, 2018 | 3:55pm

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Starbucks, a glorified public charging station that also sells coffee, will begin blocking customers from watching porn in their stores, using their free WiFi. The rollout begins in 2019, so, uh, buckle up.

According to the Business Insider, Starbucks has been under pressure to establish a porn blocker for years but never took the plunge—despite promising they would go the route of McDonalds and other establishments before them with the ban back in 2016.

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Starbucks shared the following statement but “declined to give details on the solution.” I guess we’ll have to take their word for it when they say they’ve instituted a blocker that does not also obstruct nonintrusive sites:

“To ensure the Third Place remains safe and welcoming to all, we have identified a solution to prevent this content from being viewed within our stores and we will begin introducing it to our US locations in 2019.”

Sure. But who the hell is even watching porn at Starbucks? If you’re the type to visit Pornhub during business hours, maybe you lack boundaries, playing that shit on your phone while sitting with your back to those big windows that face the street, for all pedestrians walking by to see.

If Enough Is Enough, the internet-safety organization who recently created a petition with 26,000 signatures in support of the block is to be believed, it’s sex offenders who’re using the WiFi access for porn. CEO Donna Rice Hughes shared her own statement:

“By breaking its commitment, Starbucks is keeping the doors wide open for convicted sex offenders and others to fly under the radar from law enforcement and use free, public Wi-Fi services to access illegal child porn and hard-core pornography.

Having unfiltered hotspots also allows children and teens to easily bypass filters and other parental control tools set up by their parents on their smart phones, tablets and laptops.”

Time to go to Dunkin’ Donuts!