Yes, I'm Blogging About Chuck Norris

Illustration for article titled Yes, I'm Blogging About Chuck Norris
Photo: Jerry Markland / Stringer (Getty Images)

Turns out you can’t believe everything you read in a viral tweet—specifically, the claim that Chuck Norris was at the siege of the Capitol building led by Trump-loving insurrectionists last week. I know all of you, the good people who read Jezebel dot com, open your internet browsers every day hoping we’ve finally blogged about 80-year-old martial artist (and actor) Chuck Norris, and I am so glad to tell you that today is finally that day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Okay, it’s a slow day for celebrity gossip.

On Monday, a photo went viral on Twitter of some MAGA asshole and someone resembling Norris, prompting the usual Twitter arguments.

Norris, a lifelong Republican, endorsed Trump in the 2016 election but did not endorse any candidates during the 2020 Presidential election. In a statement on Tuesday, Norris’s representative clarified that his client was not in Washington D.C. last week, nor did he participate in the attempted coup.

“This is not Chuck Norris and is a wannabe look-alike although Chuck is much more handsome,” says Kritzer. “Chuck remains on his range in Texas where he has been with his family.”

Only in 2021 does being the representative for a retired martial artist involve reassuring his fans that he was not involved in an attempt to occupy a federal building.

On Tuesday evening, Norris posted this on his Twitter account in response to the scandal.

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“I am and will always be for Law and Order” could be read as a forceful endorsement of the popular procedural drama or an unnecessarily intense endorsement of the police—I’ll leave that up to you to decide. [People]

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Lana Del Rey has decided to once again subject the internet to her opinions, this time by responding to the backlash against some of the comments she made about the recent riots at the Capitol while on the radio. I will not be transcribing any part of the video, mostly because it’s largely nonsensical, but you are welcome to subject yourself to watching it below.

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  • If the Rite Aid manager who had to kick Bruce Willis out of their store because he refused to wear a mask is reading this, please email me!!!! [Page Six]
  • Actor Dustin Diamond, best known as Screech from Saved By the Bell, has been hospitalized. [NY Post]
  • I’m curious, does getting a tattoo of your fiancée’s dead grandmother’s name scream romance to you? [People]

Freelance writer & night blogger at Jezebel. Lover of television, astrology, and sandwiches.

DISCUSSION

Gob_Hobblin
Gob_Hobblin

So, for tonight’s baseless speculation, interesting theory on why Mitch McConnell did a virtual 180 on impeachment.

Ultimately, at the end of the day, his one true loyalty is the Republican Party. The only reason he would back impeachment is if it benefited the Republicans.

Now, it’s likely that, in wake of what has happened, and given his level and information he is privy to, he may be trying to get ahead of something really bad, and giving the go ahead for impeachment is the best option.

Consider that: there may be something else coming out soon that is WORSE than an attempted coup, tied to Donald Trump, and the best option for Republicans to salvage their Party is to vote for impeachment, even over said coup!

God, I hope that's the case. Any baseless speculation what that might be? I'm putting my vote in for child cannibalism.