Welcome to Would U?, an academic forum in which I share my gross crush of the week and ask if you, too, would bang that person.
Terry Dubrow. Plastic surgeon, Real House-husband, notorious smirker. Terry, you’d say to him with a coy smile, fingering the buttons on his crisp white oxford. Does his name feel good coming out of your mouth? Did you just whisper Terry Dubrow to yourself, sotto voce, just to see how it might sound?
If you are Jezebel senior editor Kate Dries, the answer is probably yes. Here are Kate’s feelings, in Kate’s own words:
- “I think he has a natural charisma”
- “A good sense of humor about himself”
- “He and his wife haven’t gotten divorced yet”
- “Pretty good plastic surgery”
Jezebel staff writer Clover Hope adds:
- “I would, too”
- “Why not!”
- “He’s handsome and super charming”
- “Always smiling, tall”
- “And uses his hands for work ;) ”
Would you have sex with Terry Dubrow, too?
When you watched a frowning Terry Dubrow palm the drooping breast implants that a woman accidentally had surgically inserted into her butt cheeks in Tijuana, did you secretly wish it was your deformed ass he was touching? When you see him lightly bully Dr. Paul Nassif about his looks and his failed marriage, the two men squabbling happily like a pair of nasally tight-skinned elves, do you smile wistfully to yourself, imagining your hand on Terry Dubrow’s strong thigh?
Did the blood in your veins flow a little bit thicker when a leather jacket-clad Terry Dubrow screamed at the Beadors on last season of The Real Housewives of Orange County? Did you think to yourself, “You tell ‘em, Terry!”?
Let’s take it to the polls, shall we?
On last fortnight’s emergency edition of Would U?, Bobby Finger asked: Would you have sex with the new Hamburglar? 32% answered “Yes, but only for the free McFlurries,” 24% said “Yes, because all dads deserve my love,” 22% said “Gimme a 20-pack of McNuggets and we’ll talk,” 18% said “I’d rather bathe in a vat of discarded french fry oil,” and 4% said “No, because I wouldn’t want to make Ronald jealous.”
Image via Associated Press.
Contact the author at ellie@jezebel.com.