Would You Have Sex to Jared and Ivanka's (Possible) 21-Minute Fuck Playlist?


HuffPost senior reporter Ashley Feinberg has published a recent playlist Ivanka Trump made on Spotify, which is comprised of five sad songs that hint strongly of bedroom death, premature ejaculation, and half-hearted dry humping. These include John Legend’s “All of Me” and “Ordinary People,” “When I Was Your Man” by Bruno Mars, “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt, and Adele’s “When We Were Young.” It is the kind of playlist created by a horny teenager who desperately wants to fall in love and bang (in that order) but has never once seen human genitals and probably won’t for a very, very long time.

In the headline, Feinberg wonders, “Is this Jared and Ivanka’s 21-minute sex playlist?”Assuming, for a second, that Ivanka and Jared do still have sex with each other, how in god’s name could they fuck to this? Could—would—anyone have sex to this? I asked the Jezebel staff that very question—Would U bang to this playlist?

As it turns out, there are many things we would do: some of us would fuck the Mooch, or Donald Trump if he looked like Jason Momoa, and even do it in the house where Trump was likely conceived. But not a single one of us would bang to this playlist.

Ellie Shechet: i could never bone to james blunt

Aimee Lutkin: I fuck at a higher beat per minute, honestly

Joanna Rothkopf: i would never

Also because it takes me significantly longer than 21 mins to climax

a joke…..

Hazel Cills: Never, unless the playlist was part of some sort of psycho-sexual torture game for my partner, because I don’t want to kink-shame

Julianne Escobedo Shepherd: I’m pretty sure that even Ivanka and Jared don’t fuck to their fuck playlist

Clover Hope: Why the hell do they have “All of Me”

Joanna: this is a playlist to have sex while you’re crying

like tender tear soaked sex

w no thrusts

Megan Reynolds: The worst

Aimee: Break up sex

Joanna: just soakin

Megan: ew it just sits in there

both party’s face are wet with each other’s tears

Aimee: I imagine them rolling around in satin sheets but no one makes the move to take off their underwear

they just keep throwing rose petals at each other hoping someone falls asleep

Julianne: i bet not even drake would bone to this, and drake is a person who has a supreme rug at the side of his bed

Megan: I think no one fucks to this playlist, but it is the kind of playlist someone going to prom maybe like 4 years ago would put on bc they THOUGHT they were gonna fuck to it but in actuality, they gave a handjob in a minivan and went home

Ellie: ya this is a playlist for someone who has had sex twice and feels nervous about it

Kelly Stout: I keep going back and forth on whether “your body is a wonderland” should be on this. I’m thinking no

this is a playlist for going soft in the middle i fear

Megan: ew kelly

it is

a playlist for a deflated boner

Rich Juzwiak: well my answer is I bone to beats

and these songs don’t have beats

so that’s insane

they must fuck so slow.or fast?

I don’t know

Clover: fast to “All to Me”

Aimee: Like a hummmingbird just vibrating

Embed was removed for legal reasons
Last time on Would U?, we asked: Would you fuck in the house Trump was conceived in? 16% answered: “If my sex partner was decently hot”; 52.5% said “Under no circumstances”; 18% said “If we could hide the Trump cut-out”; and 13.5% said “Hell yeah, it’s a story!”

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