Women May Be Kept Out of Special Ops Due to Hypnotic Vaginal Powers

Despite a mandated, military-wide integration of women into specific careers and jobs that had previously been men-only, U.S. Special Operations Command won’t commit to opening up any jobs to females, fearing it will lead to wild sex romps that will distract from missions. Because apparently, after 30 months of rigorous training to become indomitable warriors, Navy SEALs are still afraid of a little pussy.

Maj. Gen. Bennet Sacolick, director of force management and development for Special Ops, has voiced his concerns over integration and commissioned the “RAND Corp. to survey its men about the social ripples of placing women in those jobs.”

According to ex-military members, all the talk about potential problems with “culture” and “behavior” are code for “fucking.” Speaking with NBC News, Brandon Webb, a former Navy SEAL who deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, said:

“How do you practically expect men and women not to have sex together under extreme stress, a half a world away from America — and how does that affect unit effectiveness?”

Jack Murphy, a former Airborne Ranger and Special Forces sergeant in Iraq and Afghanistan, said:

“It can shift the focus of doing the job if everybody’s trying to get laid. I know it sounds incredibly juvenile, but it’s incredibly true.”

So basically, if the small, self-contained teams allowed women into its ranks, Special Ops were devolve into a season of The Real World? That seems really unlikely.

First of all, the job description of a Navy SEAL on the U.S. Navy’s website reads:

Achieving the impossible by way of conditioned response, sheer willpower and absolute dedication to their training, their missions and their fellow spec ops team members.

Special Ops are supposed to be elite, the cream of the crop, the absolute best in a field where success is defined by discipline. If the military has such little faith in Special Ops members’ abilities to control their own impulses, doesn’t it mean that the military has done a shitty job in training them? Making the argument that Special Ops soldiers aren’t professional enough to keep from getting mired in relationship drama while on the job doesn’t reflect poorly on women’s ability to serve, but on the military’s ability period.

The attempt of Special Ops leaders to keep its ban on women is transparent, ill-conceived, and negates any confidence in our armed forces that it is erroneously trying to preserve.