Meet Diane Thomas, a 52-year-old woman who beat up and scratched her boyfriend and then did everything in her power to keep from being arrested when the police arrived. And by everything, she meant everything, including a recently-popularized sex act that is usually not offered on a first date (or during an arrest).
The Smoking Gun reports that Thomas, who lives in Louisiana, told the officer arresting her for beating up her “bitch” of a boyfriend (this woman is awful) that she couldn’t go to jail because she “had a good job” and that she physically assaulted her live-in partner because “he got in her face so she had to beat his ass.” When the arresting officer couldn’t be swayed by these valid and important reasons, Thomas decided she needed to negotiate a little harder.