Are you in the market for a potential new imaginary friend but lack the imagination to come up with any good options on your own? Did your last imaginary friend hate you as much as your real friends? Well, look no further than this eBay posting to solve all your problems.
Yes, a woman on eBay has actually decided to sell her imaginary friend, on the recommendation of her doctor. That's so much better than the advice of my doctor, who told me I should abandon all hope of finding real friends and let my imaginary friend Robert move in with me. It was a good call except he never refills the ice cube trays (JERK). She's asking about $322 to take over her imaginary friend, which is a damn good bargain!
Is life just a bit average? A bit mundane? Or perhaps your friends have let you down. Maybe you struggle to make friends, to meet new people, to put yourself out there - into that daunting social scene that is tainted with the threat of REJECTION. If this sounds like you, I have the solution: Bernard - my kind, loyal, charismatic Imaginary Friend that will NEVER leave you....unless you are ready. REASON FOR SALE I have recently come to the decision that it is time to sell my Imaginary friend Bernard who was created during a time of emotional instability. My psychiatrist recommended that I say goodbye to Bernard, and although I would like some financial compensation it is more important that he finds a good home. PHYSICAL CONDITION I'm not sure of Bernard's age, as age is not measured in time where he is from. He embodies both childlike innocence and the wisdom of an elderly wizard. Physically, Bernard is in very good health. He is very active and has made me get out of bed to exercise on many a morning - very useful if you're looking to loose a few pounds. PERSONALITY Although Bernard is caring, generous and loyal he has be known to be quite mischievous! I was suspended from school after we decided to play a prank that involved several litres of dye and a swimming pool... Having said this, none of his pranks have ever been malicious. He just wants his best friend to smile - and that person could be you. *This is not a book, although product is pure fiction. **Bernard obviously will not be sent via post but will be sent via my imagination to the winning bidder's side.
Jesus fucking Christ, even Jackie Draper/Paper didn't do this shit to Puff the Magic Dragon. Although can you just imagine how much money you would get for Puff on Ebay? Forget that Franklin Mint bullshit; I'm investing my futures in online imaginary friend sales.
Image via eBay.