To Whom It May Concern at Carponizer, makers of high quality carp equipment,
Hello. You may not know me (because I am not German–at least outside of my family heritage), but my name is Kate Dries. The Daily Dot has brought it to my attention that you have released a calendar featuring women and carp having a great time. Or, by your description (which I assume has been slightly garbled due to Google Translate):
During the shoot greatest emphasis was placed on the well-being of carp and cute women. Who hereby can not make friends, we recommend the fish fingers calendar, where everything is hidden under a crispy breading. The Carponizer carp Calendar is a treat for the men’s heart beat faster. * High quality offset printing refined with Varnish * 12 nice pictures to look at * 30 x 42 cm * unique in the quality of the recordings !! * Spiral bound * Angel Calendar
I appreciate spiral-bound items (and being an angel), and would love to have been asked to be a part of this calendar, which retails for €18,95 and was apparently shot by a French photographer at a pond that conveniently belongs to your proprietor, Hendrik Pöhler.
On a basic level, I am very comfortable with the water; I was a competitive swimmer for many years, which means standing in still water would be no issue for me.