Why Not Celebrate Your 45th Birthday With a 45-Person Gang Bang?

On my 19th birthday, I spent several hours driving aimlessly around Albuquerque in a blue 1982 Dodge Ram listening to Jimmy Eat World on a Discman before I got lost in the South Valley and stopped to buy cigarettes, which I proceeded smoked so greedily that I threw up in a gravel parking lot. I was a virgin. The opposite of that birthday celebration would be how one Minneapolis-area woman chose to celebrate turning 45: by having sex with 45 people in a Quality Inn near the Mall of America.

Wendy’s birthday gang bang dreams were brought to life by a man who was, of course, named Scott. According to CityPages, Scott was a bit of a gang bang Cupid who made a living organizing parties where participants could chip in a small fee to participate in group sex type situations in totally-not-grim hotel locations around the Twin Cities.

For years, Scott Pollock carried on his mildly illegal career without interruption. But then, he got sloppy, printing business cards that listed his profession as “Gang Bang Organizer.” When hotel employees at the Quality Inn in Bloomington, Minnesota found his cards on the property, that cold winter’s eve, they called authorities. And the rest is gang bang birthday party history. Take it away, City Pages:

Pollock asked the cops for $20 at the door, reports the criminal complaint. After they turned it over, they observed four people in the hotel room, and three more, including Wendy, having sex. There was “an ice bucket about half full of condoms” on the bed and a counter on a table, displaying the number 31.

The party, Pollock told the cops, was for Wendy’s 45th birthday, and the counter was there because she wanted to celebrate by having sex with 45 guys.

Wendy argued that she was a willing participant in the gang bang, just celebrating her birthday with a peenapalooza like a normal person, and Scott told authorities that the $20 donation was simply to cover the ice bucket of condoms and other party-related expenses, but authorities haven’t bought his argument. Pollack stands charged with promoting prostitution.