In an Instagram post on Friday, possible long-dormant Riverdale guerrilla marketing stunt sleeper cell Caroline Calloway revealed that she’s dating someone new.
“Photo by the they/them I’m currently seeing,” Calloway initially captioned the photo of her reading on a bed, later changing “the they/them” to simply “the person” after followers criticized her word choice. “They don’t like gender-binary pronouns.”
But who is this person? And what do they want?!
That, my dear reader, remains unknown.
What we do know about the writer-influencer’s mystery individual is that they a) know how to use a camera phone, b) have a pretty good sense of composition and lighting and junk, and c) are probably nonbinary. Though approximately nobody asked me, I do have some guesses as to who her anonymous paramour might be:
- Guess the first! Nico Tortorella! The Younger star’s been talking about their “queer polyamorous marriage” with fitness entrepreneur Bethany C. Meyers a lot lately, most recently in an Attitude cover story that dropped about a week ago. What better way to keep that nonmonogamous press cycle going than by dating one of the most talked-about Instagram girls of our time??
- Guess the second! Theo Germaine! The breakthrough actor from Showtime’s Work in Progress, Netflix’s The Politician, and HBO’s Equal is hot, hot, hot right now—and also just plain hot. Theo, if you’re not dating Caroline, please know that my DMs are open! My family is dying, etc. The one knock against this guess is that Germaine also uses he/him in addition to they/them, but how was I supposed to get their attention if I didn’t mention them here??
- Guess the third! Literally some rando! Speaking anecdotally (and under the reasonable gut assumption that this unknown partner is transmasculine), Calloway’s exactly the kind of beautiful toxic normie that transmascs always seem to go for.
We’ll keep you updated as we learn more and/or continue to wildly speculate sans solicitation.
Matthew McConaughey: My dad died having sex with my mom.
Read more at Page Six.
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