What’s empowering about selfies is they allow the subject control over their own perception. So, with tears in my eyes, I’m ecstatic to share the news that this mode of self-actualization has been adopted by the Animal Kingdom. A bear in Boulder, Colorado somehow snapped 400 selfies of itself—something I’ve been guilty of while waiting for my Uber—and they’re the loveliest and most tender snapshots I’ve ever seen.
In August, Open Space and Mountain Parks (OSMP) set up nine cameras to unobtrusively observe wildlife across the Boulder area. Their website explains that the cameras are activated when wildlife crosses in front of them and can take both still photographs and video. When reviewing the collected footage, OSMP quickly noticed that not only did they capture 400 (out of 580 total) photos of a single bear—they had a star on their hands.
I mean, frankly, a million memes are running through my head at a billion miles a second: “Who is she?!”; “Ladies and Gentleman, Her.”; “She understood the assignment”; “She got her ass up and worked,” etc., etc., etc. Also, I should stop and correct myself—I do not know this perfect creature’s gender and shouldn’t assume. All I know is that they are an angel who knows their angles.
The range of poses they are delivering would bring a tear to Miss Jay Alexander’s eyes. We’re getting “coy,” we’re getting “bashful,” the profile shot is giving Barbra Streisand if I’m being honest. It’s nothing but glamour. If this bear wasn’t literally hibernating in the Colorado wilderness as I type this, I’d get them on the first flight to Los Angeles. I don’t know who they have playing Cocaine Bear in the upcoming movie, Cocaine Bear, but if they haven’t yet shot principal scenes I demand they recast.
OSMP also posted a few of the gratuitous selfies on their Instagram in November. You know those sort of vibe-y mood carousels girls will post to let you know they’re still hot and living enviable lives while still trying to remain mysterious? They need to all take notes from angel bear. This carousel of images out-intrigues the most enigmatic of Insta-girlies.
I hope these photos bring you the joy they brought me on this gloomy January day. I love you angel bear. Just say the word and I will fly you to Milan for fashion week in February.