Who Is Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Secret Girlfriend?? Some Theories.

Illustration for article titled Who Is Joseph Gordon-Levitts Secret Girlfriend?? Some Theories.

You know how we've always assumed that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is your boyfriend? Well, it turns out we were really, really wrong. (Unless we're not. Wait, is it you?? I won't tell anyone; you can trust me!!)

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In an interview with Howard Stern, JGL said he has a girlfriend, and he's not telling who so shove it up your ol' wazoo. All we know is that she's a person and she's not in show business. But I'm not sure how much we should believe him. With that information, I've created a list of the most likely suspects:

1. Me (Surprise!)

2. You (Surprise!)

3. Demi Moore

4. A BOYFRIEND!?!?

5. Tyra Banks

6. Tyra Banks in costume

7. The ladies behind the counter at the DMV

8. Anna Gunn

9. Baby Holly

10. Aimee Mann

11. Penn

12. Teller

13. Just some cool lady

14. Celine Dion

15. Fleshlight

16. Snoogle Pregnancy Pillow

17. Cup of Noodles

Your best guesses below, plz.

[LA Times]

Image via Getty

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DISCUSSION

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Rebecca "Burt" Rose

Well, I thought every body knew this, but I guess I will just tell everyone now. He is dating my Aunt Cathy. They met last year at the Chamber of Commerce bake sale at the Baptist church that is in the next town over from here. It's a good bake sale, but really it's not as good as the one at the Lutheran church. But that is neither here nor there except to serve as a reminder to me to remember to go down to the Lutheran church next month and pick up a batch of peanut nutter walnut brownies.

Anyway, so this Joseph kid was over to our house on Thanksgiving. He was nice and he was really supportive of how my Aunt Cathy is on unemployment after she got fired from the utility company on account of how her supervisor was 'out to get her' and made her look bad. My Aunt Cathy also has a fierce nut allergy, and that Jospeh Gordon picked out all the walnuts from my Aunt MargieBeth's stuffing. This causes a fight every year, see because MargieBeth rolls her eyes and says Aunt Cathy 'is just a big drama queen' and then sometimes Aunt Cathy gets mad and says it's just like the time MargieBeth cussed out Aunt Cathy's second ex-husband for being a vegetarian and then my Uncle Richie just calls her a selfish bitch. But this year, nope, Joseph Gordon just interupted and was like 'hey have you guys seen the trailer for my new movie? I was on Jimmy Kimmel doing an epic lip sync to promote it!'

But then my Uncle Richie called Jimmy Kimmel 'a weenie' and it got a little awkward.