Who Cares If Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard Bathe Their Kids Or Not?

For the past two weeks, for no good reason, a grab bag of famous people have shared their thoughts on bathing. Now I know that Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher bathe their children only when they see dirt; Jason Momoa bathes; Jake Gyllenhaal sort of doesn’t; the Rock and Bethenny Frankel bathe with an alarming frequency that has me worried about their skin barrier. And now, because a conversation like this would not be complete without their input, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, who inadvertently started this conversation, would like to clarify their stance.

Last week on The View, Kristen Bell offered that she and her husband “wait for the stink” on their children, using their natural odor as an alarm of sorts, meaning that it is time to bathe. Certainly, some people were upset about this, imagining the spawn of Hollywood’s rich and famous running around Malibu stinking like unwashed hair and old apple juice. On Monday, Bell and Shepard clarified their stance further re: the bathing, offering up an explanation as to why they might not wash their seed as often as some people might like.

“This is the other thing — is California has been in a drought for ever… it’s just like, responsibility for your environment. We don’t have a ton of water, so when I shower, I’ll grab the girls and push them in there with me so we all use the same shower water.”

“I don’t know, it just happens whenever it happens, I guess.”

Listen—I can’t imagine that the rich and famous children among us who are not showering as often as the adults smell that bad, though I imagine Jake Gyllenhaal smells…. interesting, and not in a great way. I am forced to agree with Kristen Bell. There’s a drought in California! Fire in the hole, except the hole is whatever the Dixie Fire touches! There’s no water! Why waste the water when a man who is also a doctor at The Atlantic literally stopped showering and has found no deleterious effects on his life? At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter! The rich and famous who do not shower or who chose to do so aren’t really inflicting their stank bods on the rest of the population because they are famous and normies don’t ever really break their bubble.

Personally, if it matters (it doesn’t!), I feel this way: shower if you want to, or if you don’t, don’t! Wash your legs when you do. Be kind to the people you might be spending time with and make sure you don’t smell bad, whether you shower every day, three times a day, or once every full moon, in accordance with your various spiritual practices. Not my problem, bucko! Do you. [People]

• Personally, I am thrilled to hear that Prancer the “demonic” chihuahua that went “viral” for being, um, Satan, I guess, has found a home and is helping his new owner heal from trauma!!! [People]
• Christina Applegate has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. [Just Jared]
• Naturally, Kristin Chenoweth “hates” the goat, Doctor Dillamond, in the musical Wicked, and upon further consideration, his one song is the sort of the musical theatre equivalent of a meeting that should’ve been an email. [Just Jared]
• Yes, absolutely, I certainly will rent out Dorinda Medley’s Berkshire estate, Blue Stone Manor, on AirBNB, thank you very much! [People]
• God bless Page Six for using the phrase “jiggle joint” to describe a strip club. [Page Six]