Having clawed their way out of Simon Cowell's X Factor workhouse, the Dickensian orphans of One Direction have finally made it from a life of pickpocketing and singing Take That covers for scratch to the glamor and wealth of the big leagues. The most recent sign that they've made it? They're all having their likenesses created for Madame Tussauds, the international wax museum famous for its celebrity wax statues and slightly less famous for being a place that I once tried and immediately failed to sneak into when I was 16.
The wax version of 1D is still a work in progress, but Madame Tussauds recently unveiled press photos of the groups unfinished heads. In a word? CUH-YUTE. But which wax One Direction head do you want to date the most?
Pros: First of all, this looks so much like him! And by "like him," what I mean is that it looks like it's based on the head of a man, which Zayn Malik, as the second oldest member of One Direction almost is. You want this wax head to be your boyfriend if you're the kind of gal who likes rebels, bad boys or people with disfiguring scratches where their beard and eyebrows should be.
Cons: You don't date a disembodied wax head like this if you want a disembodied wax head who likes to be tamed. Start something with him and you better be ready for some long hours spent waiting for him to call or respond to your texts only to never hear back. Chances are that he is too busy partying and getting crazy to pay you much thought. Are you the jealous type or do you let things roll of your back because you're too busy partying on your own? Wax head Zayn is great for the latter, but not so great for the former.
Pros: Louis Tomlinson, the prankster of the group, can't even keep his sense of humor off his creepy wax face. A real class clown, Wax Head Louis is your perfect match if you're a girl who loves to LOL, but look out for that side smirk! When that starts to appear (which is always because Wax Head Louis' face is fixed), you know something funny is about to go down.
Cons: Like all comedians, Wax Head Louis can be a little bit of an attention hog and doesn't like to share the spotlight. Also, be careful of spotlights because he will definitely melt.
Pros: The wax head of Niall Horan is shy as a mouse and cute as one, too, mostly because his eyes are very very beady. Wax Head Niall is perfect for the type of girl who appreciates the sensitive type who prefers poetry readings over ragers and cooking tasty dinners at home over hitting up up the hottest spots in town.
Cons: You might occasionally wish he was more outgoing and social, but give him a break. Wax Head Niall doesn't like to talk too much because he's embarrassed to show off his clay braces. Try coaxing it out of him by subtly bringing up how cute you think braces are and how great his teeth are going to look once the hunky hardware is taken off. He might not respond right away, but give it time — like, a forever amount of time because he doesn't have vocal cords or a brain.
Pros: Well, Wax Harry Styles is the only one that looks remotely like an actual human head. Plus, look at the tousled, lumpy, dookie hair! The unwavering eye contact! The impish smile! What girl could possibly resist all that?
Cons: Answer — no girl. Wax Head Harry Styles is a known flirt so be careful 'cause he will take you from over the moon to heartbroken in record-setting time. He may seem like fun now so enjoy it because now is all you're ever gonna get.
Pros: Wax Head Liam Payne is the most down-to-earth and chill of all the members of Wax Head One Direction. Do you like hanging out at the beach, singing along to Macklemore songs and partying with your friends around bonfires? Then this might be a match crafted by angels in 1D wax heaven.
Cons: Rest assured. At one point, he will most definitely come alive and murder you.