I’ve gone on record as not being a gigantic fan of “the Pope” as an institution. As I am not a Catholic, I have no obligation to think of him as anything other than some guy—some guy who’s appointed via smoke-monster to be the ideological leader of millions of people; some guy whose predecessors have used that power to push regressive legislation, oppressive moralism, and the prioritization of their own asses over the physical sanctity of children; some guy whose appointment sends us into collective gaga paroxysms like it’s a celebrity C-section and not the rote, predictable turnover of a white, paternalistic, historically destructive power structure. SO NO, YOU COULD SAY I’M NOT THAT OBJECTIVELY JAZZED ABOUT THE POPE.
However.
Pope Francis, it seems, is turning out to be a fucking boss, comparatively. In a development that should probably be distressing to anyone with even a shred of perspective, New Pope is kind of one of our most consistently progressive world leaders at this point (suck it, Classic Pope!). I mean, he’s still the Pope and the Catholic Church is still a problem—he’s not clacking away at his social justice Tumblr or anything—but he’s at least using his Popiness to do some relatively not-horrible shit. And that is, as they say, something.
New Pope’s latest amazing headline? POPE FRANCIS SAYS WE SHOULD TAKE ALL CORRUPT POLITICIANS, TIE THEM TO A STONE, AND THROW THEM INTO THE SEA.
Yeah, okay bro, let’s do that. We can call it the “OKEY DOKEY DOCTRINE.”