What's New With Fiona the Hippo?

Did you know it’s #NationalPumpkinDay? Fiona did.

Celebrate the day by relishing in Fiona’s continued resignation to simply being alive with this brief but very important update on her well-being.

Recently, Fiona photobombed an engagement that had the audacity to take place directly in front of her tank.


Congratulations to the happy couple and congratulations to Fiona, whose neck rolls are developing at a rate that I applaud. You look great, Fiona. You always do.

In less fun news, Fiona’s dad Henry is a bit under the weather.

Please feel better, Henry. Fiona needs you.

Less sad, more happy: this fat little angel is nine months old.


What’s the best part of this? It’s not that Fiona is 9 months old, but that her living conditions are completely “(based on keeper’s discretion&could change w/o notice).” The abrupt change in tone from hippo enthusiast to nervous pedant is really a sight to see—but now I know for certain that Fiona’s life is truly not hers.

Here’s some clarity on how hippos actually move in the water.


It seems crazy to me to think that a hippo could swim, what with their rotund bodies and their tiny little hooves, but now I have a fun fact to blurt out at a group of strangers standing near the cheese plate, just in time for holiday party season.

The children’s book about Fiona is also available for pre-order and would make a lovely gift for your friends, family, strangers, and whomever else you’d like to indoctrinate into the gospel of rubbery, jiggly, plump Fiona.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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Megan Reynolds

another very important update