What's Hot For September At J. Crew?

The thick, rich, creamy, dreamy September J. Crew catalog has arrived! Dying to know what’s hip, now, outta sight for fall? The answers lie within.

WHAT”S HOT:

• Coats as dresses, worn with over-the-knee socks. Sure, you might feel a little warm when sitting down to dinner — and you might flash your crotch to the busboy — but fashion is about sacrifice!

• Looking like you spent the night getting shagged senseless.

(Actually, this is hot style for all seasons.)

• Mixing and matching accessories that have a bordello-chic vintagey vibe, as though grandma was a pricey hooker.

• Pretending to be a spy so far undercover that it’s okay to seem like you’re pretending to be a spy.

• Dressing like a petulant 7th grader who didn’t do her homework and thinks House Of Mirth ended on a happy, upbeat note.

• $1200 jackets made from the hide of Snuffleupagus, may he rest in peace.

• Toplessness, as predicted by Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Lindsay Lohan, and all the magazines of fall 2008.

• Cutting off your sweat pants, turning them into shorts, wearing them with long socks and heels and playing it off like it doesn’t look absurd.

• Lipstick worn under the eyes; glitter harem pants.

• Using Newsies as inspiration.

• Marrying the invisible man. (It’s okay that you don’t see him much, that’s the sign of a “modern” couple.)

• Marrying dudes who don’t wear socks.

• Katie Holmes.

• The What Would Jesus Do If He Were CEO? look.

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