What to Bring to Rehab

Packing for rehab is kind of like packing for summer camp. Okay, well, no it’s not, unless your summer camp had a bunch of kids battling their biggest physical addictions and innermost demons all while jumping into a lake from a rope swing! But packing for the probably hellacious experience of undergoing rehabilitation at a facility isn’t as easy as you’d think. Yeah, you don’t want to be the only girl in the place who actually brought a one-piece swimsuit like they said in the instructions (GAWD!), but that cut-out crop top probably isn’t the best idea either.

Lilo is trying to shove “270 looks” for her upcoming 90-day rehab visit, a number she made public with an Instagram photo she put up last night and quickly removed. While Lilo’s rehab facility in the Hamptons (which might get changed because Lilo can’t smoke cigarettes there) doesn’t limit how many clothes you can bring, most places suggest you pack light and under some pretty strict rules. So what’s a girl to do?

Here’s what to bring to rehab:

Bring: Comfortable clothes

Everything else is going to suck and hurt and be painful, so don’t bring that one pair of jeans that you have to hop around to wriggle into and that one top with a million straps. That being said, sometimes (a lot of times) nice clothes can bring a lot of comfort in otherwise dismal situations. You don’t have to wear pajamas and your old soccer shirts to be comfortable. Instead, embrace recent trends like oversized T’s and leggings! Gaucho shorts and cotton tops!

Don’t bring: Anything, seriously ANYTHING, that makes a vague drug reference or could be what your middle school teacher would call “racy.”

One thing a lot of people tend to overlook is that addiction facilities often treat sex addicts as well as drug and alcohol addicts. You don’t have to look like you walked off the set of “Big Love” (although, if you rock the french braid as well as Chloe Sevigne, do you, girl), but most facilities don’t allow short shorts or plunging neck lines. Set your cleavage free after you get out.

Rehab facilities tend to be super sensitive to attire that references drugs and alcohol, too. I guess it makes sense, because when you’re trying to get over your addiction while wearing a “I DID A FLABONGO AT PANAMA CITY BEACH AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS T-SHIRT,” it’s hard for anyone to take you seriously, especially you when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror.

Bring: Your comfiest, fuzziest house slippers

Since you won’t be able to spread your toesies as if it’s your own pad, do the next best thing.

Don’t bring: Stiletto pumps.

Rehab is not a club. Imagine someone wagging their finger at you when you read this. Rehab. Is not. A club.

Bring: Some art supplies

So long as your supplies can in no way get you high(eating crayons doesn’t really do anything, no matter how hard you try), drawing and coloring is a great way to pass the long stretches of time without other forms of entertainment, aside from playing “Would You Rather” with your roommate. Plus, making insanely decked out letters to your friends and family is like sending elaborate notes to your friends in middle school, so, really fun.

Don’t bring: Your own books, iPods, tablets, etc.

Most rehab facilities don’t allow you to bring books unless they are concerned with recovery and addiction. Or if you do bring a book, don’t bring some weird fan fiction about Nicole Richie’s partying days. Maybe you can convince intake officers that Nicole Richie is your spiritual guide to recovery, but it’s probably not the best first impression.

Living without technology may seem archaic and cruel even (what is life without Instagram, after all), but if flabongo shirts are banned, your Gucci Mane album about smoking weed and sipping on lean is banned too.

Bring: Non-alcoholic beauty products.

All mouthwashes, hairsprays, or other products with alcohol are banned from rehab. You’d think people wouldn’t ever want to drink Listerine, but you haven’t been in that alcoholic’s shoes and this is a place devoid of judgement so just bring some non-alcoholic mouthwash and avoid the whole thing.

Don’t bring: DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.

They seriously have that on almost every “Things Banned from Rehab” list, as if that’s not what rehab is for. Rehab is not a club. I REPEAT. Not a club.