What Time Is the Super Bowl Where ‘Sweetie’ Taylor Swift Will Wear Football Jewelry Next to Her Boyfriend’s Drunk Brother Before Endorsing Joe Biden?
Not only were the Kansas City Chiefs crowned the AFC champions on Sunday night, but Taylor wore opal earrings and we learned the Democrats rigged the NFL.
If you think the only thing that happened Sunday night is that two football teams won their respective football games and will now play each other at the Super Bowl in a couple of weeks, you’d be mistaken. Not only were the Kansas City Chiefs crowned the AFC champions but Taylor Swift wore a model-approved sweater, Taylor also wore football jewelry, Travis Kelce’s second nickname for Taylor was revealed, and we learned that the NFL is rigged by Democrats. Here’s everything we know.
Taylor wore $2,830 opal earrings since that’s Travis’ birthstone, a Chiefs necklace from Erin Andrews’ line, a kitschy little football jersey ring, a $598 red Mejuri ring, and a $5,830 tennis bracelet that spelled out “TNT” (you know, for their names). Cute! Taylor once sang, “I want to wear his initial/On a chain ‘round my neck, chain ‘round my neck,” so it’s nice to see her branching out in this relationship. The cherry-red sweater is from Gigi Hadid’s brand, Guest In Residence—it’s listed as $695 but since they’re best friends I’m sure Taylor got it for free. In all, Taylor spent roughly $10,000 to say, “I am dating a guy on the Chiefs.”
The most hilarious news from Sunday night, however, was learning that the Democrats have rigged the NFL so that the Chiefs will win the Super Bowl and Taylor Swift will walk onto the field at halftime to endorse Joe Biden. “I wonder who’s going to win the Super Bowl next month. And I wonder if there’s a major presidential endorsement coming from an artificially culturally propped-up couple this fall,” failed presidential wannabe Vivek Ramaswamy tweeted Sunday night, responding to a tweet from Jack Posobiec, who promoted the Pizzagate conspiracy theory. “Just some wild speculation over here, let’s see how it ages over the next 8 months.” Incredible.
Of course, all the top idiots piled on and, as Rolling Stone noted, it turned into a real perfect storm of right-wingers who believe the NFL is scripted, overlapping with right-wingers who think Taylor and Travis’ relationship is a deep state ploy to get Biden re-elected. Failed GOP candidate Jack Lombardi chimed in, as did podcast host Mike Crispi and right-wing commentator Benny Johnson, while Republican Georgia politician Kandiss Taylor tweeted, “Of course, Satan wants to use her now to elect Joe back into the White House to destroy what’s left of America.” Of course!
And finally, after all that, we also learned that Travis calls Taylor “sweetie”! Huge.
Anyways, congrats to the Chiefs! I hope Taylor makes it to the big game, I hope Jason Kelce takes his shirt off again, and I hope Taylor’s witchcraft helps you win your third Super Bowl in four years.
(I don’t know what happened at the NFC championship game except that the Detroit Lions were winning until they weren’t, so I am very sorry to all the Lions fans.)
The Super Bowl will air on Sunday, February 11, probably at like, 5 or 6 p.m. or something.