We're Totally Buying Something From Oprah's Personal Auction

Oprah is opening up her vault of fancy rich lady wares and holding an auction to rid herself of a few of her least favorite things. The items, culled from her Chicago home, make both zero sense and all the sense at the same time. I might not have originally thought that Oprah would be a fan of giltwood lamb figurines, but now that I know, I’m shocked I ever thought otherwise.

Taking place on April 25th, Oprah’s Least Favorite Things Auction—as we have unofficially renamed it—is essentially a showcase for what absolutely too much money looks like and for that reason alone, it is amazing.

The auction is comprised of over 500 lots and includes English, French and Continental furniture and decorative arts, paintings, prints, drawings, porcelain, crystal, silver, memorabilia, clothing and accessories.

We at Jezebel will attempt to purchase one item from the auction because we believe that if we own something of Oprah’s, we can use it to harness her spirit to make our vision boards as potent as possible. Although it sounds tempting to bankrupt Gawker Media on $18,000 soup plates, $120,000 nude paintings and $9,000 dressing tables, we do have a budget. Below are the items in contention and we would like you, dear readers, to help us decide which one of Oprah’s least favorite things to bid on.

Oprah’s Scratched Fendi Sunglasses

Sale 410 Lot 539A Pair of Fendi Sunglasses black resin and chrome logo frame with black lenses. Stamped: Fendi.

Estimate $ 50-70

Good condition, please note the left lense is scratched with a black marking.

Oprah is selling sixteen pairs of sunglasses all ranging from $50-70. My idea is that we try to buy as many as possible, starting, of course, with this lovely damaged pair from the House of Fendi.

Oprah’s Broken Violin

Sale 410 Lot 168A Continental Violin LIKELY GERMAN

together with a bow.

Length of violin 24 inches.

Estimate $ 100-200

The face detached from body of violin with glue residue throughout. Bow in tact.

Hopefully when you purchase this violin it comes with the story of how Oprah broke it and who decided to MacGyver it back together with super glue.

Oprah’s Suspiciously Cheap Armchair and Ottoman

Sale 410 Lot 239A Contemporary Upholstered Armchair and Ottoman each skirted, the armchair with everted arms.

Height of chair 33 3/4 inches.

Estimate $ 100-200

Each in overall good stable usable condition. Fabric intact showing light patterns of wear.

Used Ikea chairs cost more than this. I have questions. There must be something seriously wrong with this chair for Oprah to be willing to let it go for a couple hundred bucks and we can’t wait to find out what it is. Maybe it was an apology gift from James Frey.

Oprah’s Trash Can That Looks Like a Book

Sale 410 Lot 262A Trompe l’Oeil Waste Paper Basket simulating antique leather bindings.

Height 17 1/2 inches.

Estimate $ 100-200

Overall decent stable condition having scattered light wear consistent with use.

This is actually kind of cool and quite practical. When we finally dismantle Jezebel from an Internet Blog to a daily print-out of posts composed in Microsoft Word that we simply fling out of an open window everyday at sunrise, a waste paper basket will be unimaginably useful.

Oprah’s Chanel Fanny Pack

Sale 410 Lot 515A Chanel Black Snakeskin Quilted Convertible Fanny Pack scalloped frame with a push button down clasp, an interlocking ‘C’ logo to the front, leather lining and an interior zippered pocket. Comes with an adjustable and detachable black leather and goldtone interwoven chain strap with an attached black leather fringe tassel. Stamped: Chanel.

6 x 5 x 1 inches.

Estimate $ 300-500

Excellent condition, minor dull spot to the leather beneath the clasp.

Each member of the Jezebel staff will get the exclusive use of this bag for a week, or until we come to our senses and realize we’re wearing a Chanel fanny pack.

Oprah’s Step Machine

Sale 410 Lot 470A Tectrix Climbmax 2000 Step Machine with digital readout display and integral cup holder.

Height overall 61 inches.

Estimate $ 200-400

So we can finally establish Gawker’s first ladies-only gym. The one caveat is that this step machine will be stored primarily in Kate Dries’ bedroom.

Oprah’s Pink Glass Hat

Sale 410 Lot 421A Studio Glass Sculpture in the form of a hat with an applied flower, signed illegibly and dated 1998.

Diameter 13 1/2 inches.

Estimate $ 400-600

“Signed illegibly and dated 1998.” So this curious little glass hat could be a Chihuly or it could be from TJ Maxx. I’m comfortable with that bet.

Oprah’s Throw Pillows

Sale 410 Lot 184Two Throw Pillows one with paisley upholstery, the other with needlepoint upholstery.

Width of widest 20 inches.

Estimate $ 100-200

The best part about these pillows is that there’s a good chance Oprah once sat on them or lounged against one as she made a vision board. With any luck, they still smell like her. IS THAT WEIRD?

Oprah’s Placecard Holders

Sale 410 Lot 450A Set of Six Figural Placecard Holders each in the form of a standing rabbit raised on an ebonized base.

Height overall 11 3/8 inches.

Estimate $ 100-200

In overall good condition.

These foot-tall, rabbit-shaped, name tag pedestals just seem chill.

Oprah’s Old Wooden Barometer

Sale 410 Lot 58A Biedermeier Parcel Ebonized Burlwood Barometer of rectangular form.

Height 40 1/4 inches.

Estimate $ 2,000-4,000

Provenance:

John Nelson Antiques, Los Angeles, CA

In overall decent stable condition, having fairly even finish throughout, the body of barometer with tight age splits veneer, unsure of integrity of device.

This is a bit out of our price range, but I just can’t say no to a questionably stable antique barometer.

We’ve seen the goods and now it’s time to choose. Vote below to help us decide which piece of Oprah’s old crap we should bid conservatively on.