We're Supposed To Forget Ashton’s Wayward Penis & Believe Demi’s Rampant Lesbianism Made Him Cheat

It wasn’t enough that he was caught hanging out of any number of women, the real reason behind the Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher split is apparently her insatiable appetite for lady lovin’. With Radar bravely lifting the lid on their “twisted marriage” (via Star magazine), the intrepid reporters have discovered by way of numerous faceless sources that it was their open marriage that ultimately proved their undoing — and not, you know, his serial cheating. “Demi is attracted to women just as much as men, so she didn’t always get all she needed from Ashton,” they exclaim, breathlessly. “She was cool with Ashton having flirtatious relationships too. Somehow they made it work all these years.” That is until it didn’t. With Demi allegedly ending things due to fears her husband’s indiscretions could reveal her shameful Sapphic secret [this picture of her with Jennifer Aniston used for illustrative purposes]. Again, it’s always the lady’s fault, somehow. [Radar]
Now that Demi and Ashton are over, the tabloid crows have begun picking through the corpse of their marriage for any morsel of fabricated flesh. [Radar]

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Chaz Bono may have done a lot for trans visibility thanks to his advocacy work and stint on Dancing With The Stars, but Stephen Ira, the transgender son of Warren Beatty and Annette Bening, says he is a misogynist and takes issues with “his comments on trans embodiment and on women” and has “serious ideological problems with him as a spokesman for the trans community.” Though Stephen has written a follow-up post on his blog Super Mattachine stating he bears Chaz no ill will, he is standing by his initial claims that he’s a bad role model after he likened being trans to having a birth defect. “I do not have a birth defect. If you feel like you have a birth defect, fine. That’s how you feel. Go feel that,” he wrote. “It’s beyond that, though. Chaz is a misogynist. He is a trans man who seems to believe that his female-assignedness and his female socialization makes him immune from being a misogynist, and he is manifestly wrong … This man doesn’t represent our community.” [Radar]

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They’re probably just work besties, but did Zoe Saldana and her publicist Gary Mantoosh really have to walk out of paparazzi nest The Ivy holding hands just days after she broke off her engagement to her boyfriend of 11 years, Keith Britton. Now that Demi and Ashton are officially over, the world is just itching for a new cheating scandal to cluck over. [E!]

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Unlike Jay-Z, Anne Hathaway is taking part in Occupy Wall Street/All Streets in support of the 99 per cent, not to make a bunch of cash selling them crappy T-shirts. The actress covering up with dark glasses and a hoodie. “Anne Hathaway supports students! Love! Blackboards Not Bullets sign,” Tweeted @Elana_Brooklyn, who spotted her in the crowd. [E!]

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Maybe I’ve been watching too much American Horror Story, but I’m kind of obsessed that the LAPD have reopened the case of Natalie Wood‘s death. Her 1981 drowning off Catalina Island was initially ruled an accident, but someone has come forward with new information suggesting that it might have been foul play. Stay tuned … [E!]

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Musicals are largely unbearable and, though I love them, horror movies give me anxiety, but nevertheless I’m still going to check out Vincent D’Onofrio‘s feature directorial debut, horror/musical hybrid Don’t Go Into The Woods. Just play that last half of the sentence back for a minute. I know, right? [Vulture]

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Lady Gaga with a baby – no commentary required. [Page Six]

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• He may have ripped it down the second he noticed, but Dean McDermott is no match for a screengrab, putting Tori Spelling‘s boobs on the interwebs forever after accidentally posting a them on Twitter. [NYDN]
• One-time Margaret Thatcher adviser Lord Tim Bell rips Meryl Streep a new asshole over The Iron Lady, despite not having seen the film. [Page Six]
• We posted this Funny Or Die video in full a while back, but we’re happy someone has put all of Kristen Wiig‘s lines in one spot. [E!]
• Michelle Williams says the OZ: The Great And Powerful set has been a crazy fun place for Matilda to hang out. [Ministry Of Gossip]
• This time it’s Ron Howard bringing us to the edge with his sweet whispers that the Arrested Development movie is going to happen. [E!]
• In what seems like a weird affront to my delicate sensibilities, Keira Knightley scored an Oscar nod for Pride And Prejudice but hasn’t heard of the far more superior Pride And Prejudice And Zombies. [Vulture]
• Dita Von Teese is the latest celebrity to be inducted into the cult of play Sleep No More, petitioning the producers to give her a part in the show. Meh, it’s okay, but if you want to save your NYC theatre pennies, opt for the Silence Of The Lambs parody, Silence! The Musical instead – it’s awesome! [Page Six]
• Playing a game of Lindsay Lohan, Selena Gomez‘s stalker is back in the clink. [E!]
• Amber Heard locks lips with a mystery lady-friend (Demi?!) in Los Feliz. [E!]
• Rich folk love Modern Family, hate watching Cops. [Vulture]
• With the anti-Kardashian movement gaining speed as fast as Occupy, The Marriage Counselor director Tyler Perry has been forced to defend casting Kim in the film. [Page Six]
• PETA is also out for Kim‘s blood. [NYDN]
• Seeing their sham of a marriage played out on the small screen was enough for Kim to put a bullet in it. [Radar]
• Megan Fox is ditching her Marilyn Monroe tattoo, but is delusional if she thinks it’s only going to take four or five sessions. [People]
• She murdered Tom Waits, depending on where you stand on the matter, and now Scarlett Johansson is putting her director chops on the block with news she’s adapting Truman Capote‘s Summer Crossing. Could be cool. [indieWIRE]
• Courtney Stodden can tell all of her h8trs to go and suck it after scoring the very prestigious honor of making VH1‘s 40 Winners of 2011. [Radar]