In the world of celebrity gossip, we’re consistently informed that a criminal record bars you from the right to a full and happy life. It’s an ideology bred from the same racism that still convinces large groups of Americans that private prisons are an equitable, just solution to anything. And instead of replicating the mindset that has proven to keep former inmates homeless, jobless, and stripped of their rights, here is our stance: we simply won’t indulge the angle presented by TMZ about Wendy Williams’ new fling, Marc Tomblin.
Consider this phrasing:
Wendy and the guy, Marc Tomblin, were all over NYC Tuesday doing some hardcore shopping, and yes ... even stopping by an ATM to make a withdrawal. The pics are kinda ironic, considering Tomblin has a record for armed robbery.
The absurd connection between the initial point and the “ironic twist” is downright racist. And I’m unafraid to make the leap! Wendy is a hero, of course, because her response to the expectable narrative is: “I’m a 54 year old grown ass woman. I know what I’m doing.” And, as she points out later, there’s already a double standard to the coverage about her personal life compared to that of her ex-husband. The press knew of his affair for years! And acted like it was par for the course, always centering Wendy’s choice to stay as the real reason her marriage was crumbling. Here, she not subtly references this, when she tells TMZ:
“Look, my husband had a full baby with a woman he was involved with for 15 years, where I was cooped up only to be a show pony. Now, I’m living my life.”
She later adds: “He’s lovely, but let me make it clear … I don’t have a boyfriend.”
Here’s a mystery: Unexplained paracausal phenomena have been sweeping the city of Los Angeles. Neighbors are finding their lawns watered in the middle of a drought, grocery store clerks are slipping on already mopped floors, BMWs have gone missing before showing up at car washes in the Valley. The police have no answers, the government is in disarray, and until today, the only clues were signed slips of paper found with each new happening: “#SparkKindness.” People alerted the authorities this morning that they’d been sent a statement by the mysterious entities at work. It read:
“These random acts of kindness are happening all around us, all the time, everywhere. The smallest acts—picking up trash at a local park, volunteering at a shelter, buying a cup of coffee for someone who needs it—make the world a happier, more gentle place. [...] I hope that this partnership will put a twinkle in someone’s eye and help be the nudge we sometimes need to step outside ourselves and change a day for the better. Kindness is contagious, truly. I can’t wait to see what happens.”
I too was visited by the bandits while gathering this morning’s gossip. It looked like one of my sleep paralysis demons, tall and billowing with chestnut hair and glowing eyes. Hovering sixfeet off the ground, it lazed outside my window and imparted it secrets to me. I’ll give you four guesses. Is it:
- Melania Trump’s new extension to the #BeBest policy initiative as she expands her original mission statement?
- Mandy Moore’s Pride month sponsorship with the Coca-Cola company aimed at spreading messages of empowerment and community?
- Taylor Swift’s new album promotion where every hashtagged tweet will receive a pre-order code for her new album?
- Jennifer Garner’s just announced partnership with WalMart as it rehabilitates its union-busting image.
Find the answer at the end of today’s Dirt Bag, or click the link below.
Here’s Brandi Glanville rebuffing the compulsion to refer to men as “boyfriends”, a trend sparked by Brooklyn-based heterosexual couples attempting to co-opt the gay shorthand: “partner.”
Brandi Glanville doesn’t use the word boyfriend. What she will do is call someone her “man-toy.” That’s a new one. The former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills mom broke down for us what exactly makes a man-toy, what he does, and what age approximately you have to be to qualify as one. When asked if she had a French boyfriend, Brandi said, “I wouldn’t say he’s a boyfriend, number one.” “I don’t like that word,” she added. “Number two, I don’t want him to think I like him that much. Number three, I don’t know, he’s 10 years younger than me and he’s a waiter.” He also “has a huge penis and he’s really good in bed,” she said. But he is not a boy-toy, she stresses. “I guess … but he’s 35. He’s a man-toy,” Brandi says. Oh and he walks her dog, so there’s that.
- Of course Anthony Scaramucci’s wife would “admit” she’d “love” to be on the Real Housewives of New York. [Page Six]
- Khloe Kardashian doubles down on the fact that she had no idea Tristan Thompson had a pregnant girlfriend when they got together. [ET Online]
- Meghan McCain “slammed” Goop’s living arrangements with husband Brad Falchuk, mistakenly thinking we’d rather sleep in the crypt she crawls out of each morning. [Us Weekly]
- Cory Booker “hinted” at “popping the question” to Rosario Dawson. Strap in, folks! [TMZ]
- Would you like to know why Rachel Ray ate worms as a kid? [Page Six]
- Miley Cyrus apologized. [People]
As for the answer to the above mystery? It’s [D]- Jennifer Garner’s new sponsored partnership with WalMart to rehabilitate its union-busting image.