Welcome to the Braless Frontier

THIS JUST IN ON THE BOOB TUBE. Natural and smallish breasts are “in” and an increasing number of women are choosing to go out in the world BRALESS.

From DNA Info:

Local lingerie shops and plastic surgeons are getting on board with [the] notion that less is more when it comes to cleavage.

Gone are bulky, round breast implants and push-up bras. In their place are teardrop-shaped implants and bras with minimalist design. And some women don’t seem to mind showing off that other cleavage craze — side-boob — by going bra-less.

Minimalist design?! Side-boob?! No bras at all?! LET YOURSELF FREE, LADIES! WE’RE GOING LAWLESS BRALESS! AWOOOGA!

(*takes off bra* **lights it on fire** ***throws it out the window***)

Apologies, apologies. I appear to have gotten carried away by the big news before I could actually analyze it. And now that I’m thinking about it, I’m slowly realizing that trend reporting, when it comes to a lady’s knockers, is actually total nonsense.

(*goes outside* **gets charred bra** ***tries to put it on*** ****bra turns to ash****)

“Natural” boobs come in all different shapes and sizes (sometimes even on the same body!), so it’s pretty obnoxious to act as though smaller breasts are somehow more or less legit than larger ones. Sure, there are certainly women out there who can serve full-on clavicle while wearing a plunging neckline, but there are also women who can’t help but show a whole lot of cleavage. And the good news? There’s a place for all of us in this crazy décolletage’d world! A round of deep V-necks for me and my friends!

There’s also the fact that style reporters have been going on about how small boobs are FINALLY in for years. When Debra Messing became super popular on Will & Grace in the late 90s, people talked endlessly about how she was revolutionizing fashion for small-breasted women. At a high school party circa 2004, I told a friend with an A-cup not to despair because Keira Knightly “was really changing things for women” like her. She wisely told me to stop talking. I probably ignored her.

Anyway, depending who you ask, small boobs have been “in” since the dawn of humanity, but — credit where credit’s due — the going-braless trend is indeed on the uptick at a time when more and more clothing is becoming backless/sideless/frontless and a war rages on Instagram over exposed nipples.

As a person who owns a weird number of backless leotards, I can tell you that going braless is great, but also has its downsides. Not wearing an underwire can be actively uncomfortable and forgoing a bra in public comes with a fair amount of risk — there’s the lack of support, the bounce and the fact that one nipple will get cold and the other one won’t, making it look like your jugs are winking at passersby (and maybe they are; those things have a mind of their own).

There are ways to get around all this. You can buy nipple petals or bras that adhere to your front half only (although one Jezebel coworker had a story about sweating the glue off of her front bra as she went about her day, leading to a very awkward situation where it began to peel off her body mid-errand). You could also decide that going braless isn’t for you (also a fine and noble choice). Or you could just say fuck it and embrace going for it completely. I support you fully (where your bra cannot).

Now fill up your bra cup and pour one out for the brassiere-forgoing women who came before you. Here’s to the flappers, the women of the ’70s and our braless patron saint Rihanna.