Weird-Ass Sex Box Talk Show Is Coming to America

America, too exhausted from tracking the daily activities of thousands of Real Housewives to come up with its own novel ideas for shows, is importing another British concept next season: a show called Sex Box. No verbal trickery here — the show literally involves people having sex in a soundproof box on a soundstage and then talking about it with a panel of experts.

Yesterday, Deadline reported that the WE network had ordered a pilot for the series, which, if it plays out like how it plays out in the UK, will go a little something like this:

A real-life couple is introduced by a sort of giggly host. The couple goes into a large box the size of a small room a time limit, during which they are supposed to rub their orifices together in a variety of configurations. We don’t see any of this. Lights on the outside of the box turn red while the couple is doing sex, green when they’re done doing sex, and white when the panel is talking with them about how they just did some sex. Here’s a clip from the original version of the show.

For a show that features live, on-air fucking inside a light up box, this clip is kind of boring. Even the panelists seem bored when they ask the now sexually unfulfilled couple if they had anal sex. All of the campy audience “Wooooooo!”s in the world can’t change the fact that in an age of readily available 24-7 internet porn, the implication of sex doesn’t feel naughty; it feels artificial… because it is artificial. The concept behind Sex Box is the opposite of HBO’s Real Sex.

I get that some people have no problem having sex in circumstances where others are very aware that the sex is occurring and that some people are even turned on by it. But, like, going inside of a box and having sex while everyone stood around outside thinking “HERE BE SEX” is not my idea of something that would be fun for me or useful to anyone.

Garbage TV has its place, but I’d rather see 1000 more series like Broad City get picked up than another import where the only real winners are the people who turn off their TV’s and go outside while it’s on.