We Asked a Bunch Of Dudes to Rate Prince William's Bicep

Prince William got his covid-19 vaccine, and a bunch of people are fanning their vaginas over it. Not because it’s sexy to be socially responsible amidst a pandemic that has killed over 3.4 million people, but because the Instagram photo of him getting the jab also shows off his muscled bicep.

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Tabloids are fawning over what Page Six described as his “athletic prowess” (“he plays both soccer and polo”) and what The Daily Mail called a “ripped bicep.” The comments at the official Duke and Duchess of Cambridge Instagram account ranged from modest (“Cheeky lil bicep there”) to respectfully horny (“No wonder The Duchess of Cambridge looks always so happy”). And the sentiment was similar on Twitter: “Okay but can we talk about Prince William’s arms?” read one tweet; “A MAN vaxxed & armed” read another.

“Is everyone really just realizing now that Prince William is ripped??” asked Twitter user @UKRoyalTea, a self-described British royal family enthusiast. “That man has ALWAYS made tight sweaters look good and then there is what his leg muscles look like in shorts!”

As someone who cannot do a single pushup, I’m impressed by even a modicum of muscle definition. But ripped? I don’t know about all that. Still, I have the upper body strength of a poodle, so what do I know? Nothing. So, with the help of some friends and colleagues, I’ve decided to consult with Dudes™ to get their take on the royal “guns” so many women are drooling over.

Rob Stengel, law school student and my long-suffering boyfriend

“...I thought this was going to be something important. I don’t know, I guess they’re larger than expected.”

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Christopher, metal worker

“That bicep is like, uhhhh, it’s a six. It’s got volume but no definition.”

Charles Pulliam-Moore, io9 staff writer

“As a tall, long, he’s got lithe-ness going for him, but those arms clearly see no real-world exertion. 4/10"

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Nick, fabricator

“What are the parameters here? Are we accounting for age and inbreeding?”

Rich Juzwiak, senior writer and token man of Jezebel

“It’s not nothing, which is way more than I’d expect from someone who could literally lie on his back all day as those around him perform life for him. By the same token, he has a lot of leisure time so if he really wanted to put on bulk, he certainly could without disrupting his immense privilege. And so, in rapid succession, the bicep’s definition surprises and underwhelms, given my expectations and then thinking through reality. It’s a 5/10 wash for me, and absolutely no cause for lust. I will go to bed thinking the same that I did about Prince William when I woke up this morning: nothing at all.”

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Bret, longtime dude friend

“That’s like, a dad who feels guilty about underutilizing his gym membership arm—like yeah there’s a hint of muscle but it’s bare minimum, would probably still struggle with the couch helping you move.”

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Will, British Zoomer

“That is a large bicep for a man who has never had to work in his life. Probably been doing Peloton on Kate’s orders bc he was looking tubby the other year. You cant be fat *and* have a receding hairline, even as an aristocrat.”

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Mohammed, leftist gym rat

“Dad biceps. He used to work out more when he was younger, and now he makes time for it when he can type arms.”

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Matt, husband of Jezebel staff writer Joan Summers

“This blog makes me sad.”

Sam, architect

“The clothed one looks better than the bare one. What even is a good bicep? Eight seems way too high.”

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Ruben, husband of Jezebel staff writer Shannon Melero-Urena

“It’s very average. 5.”

Patrick Austin, Time columnist and pal

“Eh. That’s the arm I get when I go back to lifting weights for approximately one week and then stop. 6, but actually 5 cuz isn’t he tall and rich? And balding? No excuse for no definition at this point.”

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Kunal, my friend’s husband

“8.”

Felix, one of my favorite Twitter reply guys

“I gotta say I honestly think focusing on his biceps is sort of delts erasure. Which is admirable imo because there are so many ‘gun show/chicken leg’ types that just do curls and ignore a lot of the other muscles. I am not a body builder type so I am sure someone that knows more beyond basic weight lifting will take issue but that is my impression. Hope that helps.”

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M, friend’s unamused husband

Illustration for article titled We Asked a Bunch Of Dudes to Rate Prince William's Bicep
Screenshot: My girl
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Thanks, men.









Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

DISCUSSION

hcd4
hcd4

I know this is supposed to be for the snarks, but as someone who just returned to the gym because conditions are getting better (though hey, no masks for the vaccinated in my first week is quick) , I think it’s pretty good? 7? I guess I agree with the reply guy? It’s clearly there while the arm is basically at rest, the back of the arm is there, so he might actually play a sport or something rather than jus do weights. It doesn’t have the coat of extra I’ve certainly acquired in the 40s.

Is is like that New Yorker cartoon caption thing, where what you go with isn’t that great but the captions aren’t that good either. Mostly, I just get that we’re collectively pretty disfunctional about bodies.