What did you ask Santa for Christmas last year? Was it a poorly shot video of your favorite boy band smoking weed and saying a bunch of ridiculous shit? Well, never say Santa isn't real or that he doesn't love you, because the bastard finally delivered.

In a video obtained by the Daily Mail, the members of One Direction are seen getting hiiiiiiigh as all hell in the back of a van. Via the Telegraph:

Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Niall Horan, all 20, are not in the SUV with their band mates and are presumably travelling elsewhere in the convoy.

After smoking some of the rolled up cigarette, Tomlinson passes it to Malik, who is wearing a Bob Marley T-shirt, who says it is "nice".

Whilst narrating the journey Tomlinson says: "That's the police. That's the po po ... Nice.

"I'm trying to blow it into the camera. Smokescreen baby! ...

"That's just Zayn warming up there before the show. Zayn takes his job very seriously. He makes sure he goes through a two-hour intense warm up regime before every show, just to get himself in the zone.

"One very, very important factor to Zayn's warm up, of course is Mary Jane herself. In fact I'm presenting it to him now for some fantastic singing."

Describing it as "one nil" against the police he turns the camera on officers on motorcycles passing the convoy, saying: "He is having a look, he is thinking 'I'm sure I can smell an illegal substance in there' and he has hit the nail on the head."

At another point he is apparently heard to ponder: " 'I'm just wondering now, we're sitting here in Peru. Will this come back to me? Who knows? Maybe. Maybe not'

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According to the Daily Mail, Louis shouts "nig," at about the 3:18 mark:

Louis: F***ing 'ell bro, I'm chillin. Oh my God bro. My 'ed's a wreck

Louis: It's green only! Nig!

The band's representative declined to comment on anything specifically in the video, but said "the whole situation is in the hands of our lawyers."

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Here's the video for the 12 of you out there who have never been around young dudes when they get high and start rambling about crap that only they think is funny. I call this "Hanging out at the Taco Viva Parking Lot in Lake Worth, Florida, 1991."

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[Video/Screencap via Daily Mail.]


How do you actually top that? With a good ole' fashion celebrity cheating/divorce scandal, that's how! Katherine McPhee, a person who did not win American Idol, pulled a Ross and said she didn't cheat on her hubby despite all those photos to the contrary because they were on a break. [TMZ]

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Charlie Sheen, the tabloid equivalent of a slowly healing cold sore, kicked ex-wife Denise Richards and the kids they share out of a home he owns. On the Charlie Sheen Scale of Awfulness, this still only rates a 5.6. [Contact Music]

Tina Turner said she is fine, thank you, despite reports that she suffered a stroke. [E Online]

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Because the world is completely awesome, a news publication asked if John Legend was "jealous" about wife Chrissy Teigen hanging out in a bikini with Captain Crunch. No, but he is rumored to be "fuming" about her rumored tryst with Tony the Tiger. Their chemistry was reportedly GREAAAAAAAAAA—-OK, I'm going to stop myself from making this joke and apologize to all of you for that. I promise, I won't let it happen again. [US Weekly]

The people at Buzzfeed are to blame for this Kimye "wedding pic." Not me. I'm just sharing it with you, so you're aware of it. [Buzzfeed]

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Speaking of Kimye, they are honeymooning in Ireland. Probably not at this place though, which seems like their loss. [Independent]

Charlie Cox will be your new Daredevil in an upcoming series for Netflix. Let's all talk about how cute he is. [The Hollywood Reporter]

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Well, that was a ton of fun. Here is Merle Haggard doing "Swinging Doors" from 1967. Have a fun night!

Screencap via Daily Mail.